Dear Abby

S

Saavedro

Guest
This was originally an english assignment more than a year ago, and I just found it again on my computer, so here you go.

Note: this story is a take-off of the novel Double or Nothing by C.J. Henderson, in which Sam leaps into two people simultaneously, in 1986.

Dear Abby

Dear Abby:
&nbsp &nbsp &nbsp &nbsp I am working on an important project in a remote spot in the desert, and our artificially intelligent computer tells us it is sick. We have run full diagnostics on her, and there?s definitely something wrong, but we can?t pin down the source. Do you know of anyone who might be able to help?
P.S. My co-workers keep giving me mouthwash. How can I tell them to knock it off?
&nbsp &nbsp &nbsp &nbsp Disconcerted in the Desert

Dear Disconcerted:
&nbsp &nbsp &nbsp &nbsp I have never heard of a sentient computer, let alone one with an apparently female personality and the ability to get sick. Either this is something highly classified, or you need to get your head examined.

Dear Abby:
&nbsp &nbsp &nbsp &nbsp Help! I?m trapped in someone else?s body! The face looking back at me in the mirror isn?t my own! They?re keeping me here in a bright blue room with little furniture, and they say they?re borrowing my body for a while! Have I been abducted by aliens?
&nbsp &nbsp &nbsp &nbsp Oh No! I Can?t Remember My Own Name!

Dear Oh No:
&nbsp &nbsp &nbsp &nbsp Well, uh, this is fascinating. It sounds like you want to be someone else. If the face staring back at you is of the opposite gender, it may be a sex change that you?re after. And anyone who decorates with bright blue obviously doesn?t have a knack for interior design, so I think you have reason to worry. Unless you?re another weirdo.

Dear Abby:
&nbsp &nbsp &nbsp &nbsp My best friend is lost in time, my computer is sick, and I haven?t had much sleep in weeks. I can?t detect shifts in the timeline anymore, as I?m now no longer an outside observer. That scares me. And I think my girlfriend is having an affair with a programmer who has bad breath. I can?t take much more of this.
&nbsp &nbsp &nbsp &nbsp Drained in the Desert

Dear Drained:
&nbsp &nbsp &nbsp &nbsp What is this crap? Ahem, excuse me. I?ll start over. If work is making you lose sleep, are you just too important to get some sleep? Too many responsibilities? Try to delegate some more responsibility, if at all possible. I?m going to ignore that other stuff.

Dear Abby:
&nbsp &nbsp &nbsp &nbsp I hope this letter arrives, since I left it with a family lawyer twelve years ago, with instructions to deliver it once 1998 rolled around. Anyway, I?m temporarily residing in another person?s life, and I like it so much that I think I want to stay. I don?t think this person deserves to have such a nice life, but if I stay it will strand him in my body, twelve years in the future. Should I stay or do my good deed and make my exit?
&nbsp &nbsp &nbsp &nbsp Trapped in Time

Dear Trapped:
&nbsp &nbsp &nbsp &nbsp What?s wrong with you people? Sick computers? Time travel? Body snatchers? I don?t want to know. I quit. I?ll come back when you?re ready to start making sense.