Old 05-26-2009, 10:28 PM   #1
Errowyn
Observer's Aid
 
Errowyn's Avatar
 
Join Date: Sep 2008
Location: California
Posts: 526
Default Prayers for Mom, please

Today Mom was diagnosed with accute leukemia. Literally half the cells in her bone marrow are cancerous.

She's being sent up to Stanford for professional hemotology treatment as well as chemotherapy. She could be up there for a month.

The doctors say there's a good chance she'll survive and turn out to be healthy but she's off work permamently. She's on disability for up to one year and after that it's social security or more disability, I don't know.

Understandably Mom and Dad are very upset.

I feel absolutely horrible for getting mad at Mom after she yelled at me this afternoon. She yelled at me, I tried to defend myself, and then she yelled more and walked away. Had I known I wouldn't have said anything. I feel like a terrible daughter. I could've done anything else, anything at all but I got angry. Curse this Celtic-Australian temper I inherited!

If I could I'd reverse the positions that I'd be the one that's sick. I'm only a mere artist. Mom's got so much more going for her.

I realize the world is not fair but why? Why did the Lord first have to take my little brother and now let my Mom be so sick? I realize the rain falls on the just and unjust alike but why? Why does it have to be my Mom? Wasn't one near death experience enough? Why does it have to be a second?

All I'm told is I have to be strong for my parents. I can't keep on being told that. The words have no meaning as I keep on breaking down and weeping at them. All my life I've had to be strong and do the work of two children. Now I must do the work of two childen and a mother. Part of me screams that I don't want to be strong anymore.

How many more people that I care about have to die or get sick? What did I do to make the powers that be so angry that this happens? Why did it have to be them? They were parents, friends, they had careers, they had lives. I'm only a lowly artist. I'd gladly lay down my life so any one of them could live. So why can't I? They had so many important things going for them. It's just not right. It just isn't.

I ask forgivenss for being selfish. I beg forgiveness for wanting something good to happen for myself and for the family when Dad called.

If it is necessary I will get down on my knees and beg for prayers for my mother. I will give away, sell, or donate my artwork writing and sewing just so that she will be okay.

I only want Mom and Dad to be okay and for there to be no more hurt. If the Lord does wipe the tears from our eyes I pray he does it soon.

Please accept my appologies for rambling.
__________________
I was a sailor. I was born upon the tide and with the sea I did abide.
I sailed a schooner round the Horn to Mexico I went aloft and furled the mainsail in a blow.
And when the yards broke off they said that I got killed. But I am living still.
--The Highway Man
Errowyn is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 05-26-2009, 10:53 PM   #2
ohboy
Junior Leaper
 
ohboy's Avatar
 
Join Date: May 2008
Location: Northern California
Posts: 1,383
Default

You've been through a lot, that much is obvious. I'm very sorry to hear about everything that has happened, but I suspect you've heard that statement enough already, so I'll try not to say anything else cliche.

Be that as it may, if you are going to be there for your parents, you must first consider your own well-being. You did nothing wrong in all this, and I can understand being frusterated and upset. All of us get angry; there is nothing wrong with that. You may think you're being selfish, but I would suggest taking some time away for yourself. Lord knows, I understand that in tensious situations, people get mad and shout at each other, and say or do things that are done only because the situation is so hectic. We've all said things we regret, but I'm sure your mother knows you didn't mean what you said, it if was angry.

I know you say that you would lay down your own life for your parents, but just remember that your life is just as valuable as theirs. You're not a "lowly artist". From what I've seen from your postings, you're a very nice, creative and talented person. The fact that you care so much about what is going on shows that you are a caring person as well.

May I suggest that you seek out someone to talk to about this? If you are religious and attend a church, then perhaps you could talk to your priest, minister, etc. If you attend college, most have a health center for people to talk to somebody about what is going on. Or if you have any close friends, talk to them. Don't think you're "bothering them with your problems", because you are not. If they are true friends, then they will support you through this. You shouldn't have to go through this alone.

Don't worry, you weren't rambling. You had a problem, and you were expressing it to a group of people that you felt comfortable doing so with, right?
__________________
"Do not forget to entertain strangers, for by doing some have unwittingly entertained angels."
Dr. Wily is a registered trademark of Capcom, and I don't own the rights to it in anyway, nor do I profit from the avatar.
ohboy is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 05-26-2009, 11:32 PM   #3
angvav
Temporary Account
 
Join Date: Jul 2008
Location: Melbourne, Vic, Australia
Posts: 1,211
Default

Please do not be sorry.

I could not even fathom what you are going through at the moment.

Nor should you say you a lowly artist.

What is the most precious thing a person has?

Life.

So don't ever think of yourself otherwise.

I'm very sorry for what your mother's going through.

If you ever need someone to talk to, please feel free.
__________________
angvav is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 05-27-2009, 01:13 AM   #4
jassian
Project Observer
 
jassian's Avatar
 
Join Date: Oct 2008
Location: Germany
Posts: 925
Default

Ohboy and Angvav have said this very well.

You don't need to be 'strong' you can be weak , touched, emotional, that's perfectly alright.
That's where friends come in to help. Please feel free to share your troubles, even if the most we can do is send good wishes or prayers or listen and share our thoughts.
I agree with Ohboy, if you can find somone who you can speak to in person, that's even better. Especially someone good at guiding others.

I'm sure your mom knows you love her, and if you or she got angry it was probably just your way of dealing with it. And that's perfectly alright to. And don't forget, what greater joy is there for a parent than to see their child happy? I belive your mom will wish for you to help as far as you can , but to not forget or neglect yourself in the process. I think if you find a strong spirit of hope and happiness (even in hard times, and I know you have a beautifully warm personality) this would be one of the best ways to be there for her.
__________________
jassian is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 05-27-2009, 02:46 AM   #5
angvav
Temporary Account
 
Join Date: Jul 2008
Location: Melbourne, Vic, Australia
Posts: 1,211
Default

If you do need someone to talk to, make sure it is in person.

It's a real help when people are there for you at your saddest times.

But sometimes you may not need to talk to people to get through sad times.

Sometimes having a good friend just simply to be there for you is a good friend to have also.

If that makes sense.
__________________

Last edited by angvav; 05-27-2009 at 03:20 AM.
angvav is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 05-27-2009, 12:05 PM   #6
leaper1
PQL Security Staff
 
leaper1's Avatar
 
Join Date: Sep 2002
Location: Bedford, England
Posts: 2,577
Default

It has pretty much all been said, but you know we are there for you and we'll be praying for you.
Just IM or email me anytime.
I know things seem overwhelming at the moment, but remember - whatever He leads you to, He can lead you through.
__________________

Your talent is God's gift to you. What you do with it is your gift back to God.(Leo Buscaglia) Helen in Bedford
leaper1 is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 05-27-2009, 12:15 PM   #7
Imagine
Control Room Technician
 
Imagine's Avatar
 
Join Date: Mar 2009
Location: Germany
Posts: 183
Default

I'm praying for your mum, too. I wish her and your whole family the best.
__________________
Avatar by JMoniz
Imagine is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 05-27-2009, 01:09 PM   #8
Jaycol
Control Room Technician
 
Jaycol's Avatar
 
Join Date: Mar 2007
Location: Jacksonville, North Carolina
Posts: 139
Default

My thoughts are with you as you go through this trying time. As has been mentioned numerous times on this board (and I don't mean to sound cliche) we are here for you. And will do what we can to help you out. Feel free to vent anytime you want.
__________________
Jaycol is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 05-27-2009, 04:54 PM   #9
Errowyn
Observer's Aid
 
Errowyn's Avatar
 
Join Date: Sep 2008
Location: California
Posts: 526
Default

Thank you all.

Mom's going to Stanford sometime today. We've gotten the ball rolling on support groups for her. Mom's pretty scared about getting the chemo treatment. Chemo is pretty brutal but for 60% of the time the cancer goes into remission after the first treatment. In my gut I've got the feeling that it'll take more than one treatment but she'll be coming home.

They're going to kill all the bone marrow in Mom's body and wait for the new marrow to grow back and see what kind it is.

I feel what can be best described as a combination of anger and survivor's guilt. I'm mad that it's Mom and that she's so scared. I'm mad that we can only be there for a few hours a day. I'm mad that it was her and not me. I don't have a death wish but when I'm sick and in the hospital my attitude is "Bring it on!" I get mad and/or stupid.

I'm not afraid of cancer or any other disease. If you count the time when I was six I've come close to dying six times before age 18. If I go to heaven I'll tell you what it's like, if I don't, I'll tell you what the other place is like.

I want Mom to be better and not to be afraid anymore.

I often feel like a mere artist because I am helpless. Nothing I do right now will make Mom's leukemia go away. I hate feeling helpless.

Right now the only people I can really talk to are my online friends. There's next to nobody here physically that I can talk to. I've graduated from college already.

I tried contacting one of my older friends but she hasn't responded to my e-mails or calls at all.

Mom threatened me with certain death if I didn't go to the Ren. Faire in October. I offered to cancel my plans but she gave me quite a threat. I don't know if she'll be able to go though.
__________________
I was a sailor. I was born upon the tide and with the sea I did abide.
I sailed a schooner round the Horn to Mexico I went aloft and furled the mainsail in a blow.
And when the yards broke off they said that I got killed. But I am living still.
--The Highway Man
Errowyn is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 05-28-2009, 01:10 AM   #10
ohboy
Junior Leaper
 
ohboy's Avatar
 
Join Date: May 2008
Location: Northern California
Posts: 1,383
Default

Quote:
Originally Posted by Errowyn View Post
Mom threatened me with certain death if I didn't go to the Ren. Faire in October. I offered to cancel my plans but she gave me quite a threat. I don't know if she'll be able to go though.
I agree with her on that, you should certainly take some time off and enjoy yourself when that rolls around. I really do hope that all works out with your mohter, and like the others, I'll keep you in my prayers.
__________________
"Do not forget to entertain strangers, for by doing some have unwittingly entertained angels."
Dr. Wily is a registered trademark of Capcom, and I don't own the rights to it in anyway, nor do I profit from the avatar.
ohboy is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 05-28-2009, 02:49 AM   #11
angvav
Temporary Account
 
Join Date: Jul 2008
Location: Melbourne, Vic, Australia
Posts: 1,211
Default

My thoughts go to your mother.

And prayers to.
__________________
angvav is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 05-28-2009, 09:13 AM   #12
NYCSciFiFan
Accelerator Technician
 
Join Date: May 2008
Posts: 277
Default

((((Errowyn)))) My thoughts and prayers for you, your mother and your family.

At this point, being angry won't accomplish anything. You need to think positive and do things that are proactive.

Cook meals and freeze them into portions for quick, simple dinners. Be sure your mother eats regularly! It's hard with chemo because of the nausea, but it's so important to keeping up the patient's strength. Too often, the caregivers neglect themselves and end up becoming weak or sickly. Don't let that happen.

Put together a tote bag with a water bottle, crackers, a little money, a notebook, pens/pencils, and a phone card. In the back of the notebook, list the names and phone numbers you might need, like the doctors, your aunts/uncles/friends, and the Patient Advocate. A lot of places don't allow cell phones to be used, so the calling card lets you use the pay phones without carrying bags of quarters. A book to read and maybe an MP3 player loaded with songs is also helpful.

My brother was deathly ill a few years ago and this "hospital bag" saved my sanity. Doctors and nurses talk at light speed, it seems, and I couldn't remember everything they said or when certain treatments were made. Dating each page and adding the time of discussion helped keep the conversations in order. In one case, I realized that his IV hadn't been changed in four days, so I mentioned it and sure enough - he was overdue for a new IV.

Instead of eating hospital food while we kept our vigil, my sister brought fancy sandwiches as a treat for both of us to eat. Just something different and we ate outside in the hospital courtyard.

Beware of too much caffeine and don't take Excedrin for a "tension headache" - it contains caffeine too! My heart was racing with the overdose, lol. I decided that running the stairs was a better way to relieve the stress.

Remember that the goal in Chemo is to kill the "bad cells." Unfortunately, that means some suffering. In my brother's case, he had a heart attack and was on life support for six weeks before a transplant heart was donated. (God bless the parents that made that sad decision.) We lived at the hospital for over two months.

Hang in there. Your mom sounds like a fighter, so stick with her through this and you'll be her ally.
If she needs a distraction, talk about the ren faire and let her help you make plans.
__________________
- NYC
NYCSciFiFan is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 05-28-2009, 08:04 PM   #13
angvav
Temporary Account
 
Join Date: Jul 2008
Location: Melbourne, Vic, Australia
Posts: 1,211
Default

Cook meals and freeze them into portions for quick, simple dinners. Be sure your mother eats regularly! It's hard with chemo because of the nausea, but it's so important to keeping up the patient's strength. Too often, the caregivers neglect themselves and end up becoming weak or sickly. Don't let that happen.

How true this is.

Apart from talking to people, or people simply being there for you, you really need to get through this your own way.

And your health is important too, so you can be there for your mum.
__________________
angvav is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 05-28-2009, 09:15 PM   #14
Errowyn
Observer's Aid
 
Errowyn's Avatar
 
Join Date: Sep 2008
Location: California
Posts: 526
Default

We're saving the veggies for Mom. Right now she's at the hospital and will stay there until the end of June.

The doctor said we can bring in hard candies such as butterscotch and them. We picked up a bag of butterscotch and rootbeer flavored.

Mom starts her chemo tonight or tomorrow. The good news is the cancer is a "weak" kind and is easily killed off. The bad part is it's also agressive and can come back. She'll be on on again/off again chemo until September/October.

I was thinking if anyone has some good humor please send it to me so I can forward it to her. Mom needs amusements and all the support she could get. Feel free to PM me for my e-mail addy.
__________________
I was a sailor. I was born upon the tide and with the sea I did abide.
I sailed a schooner round the Horn to Mexico I went aloft and furled the mainsail in a blow.
And when the yards broke off they said that I got killed. But I am living still.
--The Highway Man
Errowyn is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 05-28-2009, 09:43 PM   #15
angvav
Temporary Account
 
Join Date: Jul 2008
Location: Melbourne, Vic, Australia
Posts: 1,211
Default

Am I allowed to say a joke please?

God said to Moses, "Moses, come fourth".

He slipped and he came fifth!
__________________
angvav is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 05-29-2009, 07:33 AM   #16
leaper1
PQL Security Staff
 
leaper1's Avatar
 
Join Date: Sep 2002
Location: Bedford, England
Posts: 2,577
Default

Quote:
Originally Posted by angvav View Post
Am I allowed to say a joke please?

God said to Moses, "Moses, come fourth".

He slipped and he came fifth!
In similar vein...

As the animals came off the ark after the flood - in pairs as they went on - the Lord told them "Go forth and multiply."
The animals each departed, saying "Yes, Lord, we will go forth and multiply."
That is until it came to the snakes.
"Go forth and multiply," sayeth the Lord.
"But, Lord, we can't!" replied the snakes.
"Why not?"
"We're only adders!"
__________________

Your talent is God's gift to you. What you do with it is your gift back to God.(Leo Buscaglia) Helen in Bedford
leaper1 is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 05-29-2009, 10:55 AM   #17
Errowyn
Observer's Aid
 
Errowyn's Avatar
 
Join Date: Sep 2008
Location: California
Posts: 526
Default

I'll be sure to pass them on. If she's feeling well enough to groan or threaten at me for sharing them that's a good sign.

Mom's chemo treatment starts tonight. They put a tube up into her arm today. Chemo will be pumped into the left ventricle, through the aorta, and then the massacre begins.

This cancer she has is easily "killed" however it is very agressive. It's not a matter of if it'll come back but when.

Dad's really worried. He'll die before admitting it but there's somethings an offspring can tell.

I wish it were me instead. I'm not afraid of what could happen. Mom and Dad are. My attitude is often "Do your worst with the chemo, doc! Pass some Pledge so I can shine my future dome!"
__________________
I was a sailor. I was born upon the tide and with the sea I did abide.
I sailed a schooner round the Horn to Mexico I went aloft and furled the mainsail in a blow.
And when the yards broke off they said that I got killed. But I am living still.
--The Highway Man
Errowyn is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 05-29-2009, 06:17 PM   #18
jassian
Project Observer
 
jassian's Avatar
 
Join Date: Oct 2008
Location: Germany
Posts: 925
Default

You may actually have the harder job, as it may be, because you stand by your mom with what she's going through and you have to look after yourself at the same time.

I used to read jokes for fun and now I can't remember any, but I googled one that may make her smirk:

A police recruit was asked during the exam, "What would you do if you had to arrest your own mother?"

He said: "Call for backup."
__________________
jassian is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 05-29-2009, 08:46 PM   #19
Errowyn
Observer's Aid
 
Errowyn's Avatar
 
Join Date: Sep 2008
Location: California
Posts: 526
Default

If they were to try to arrest my grandmother it would be very much call for back up.

I suppose first thing first is that I am eating. I'm not sleeping as much as I should but I'm working there slowly.

The doctor said Mom should take to the chemo well. They are not messing around with this. For seven days she will receive one chemo dosage that's the strongest the human body can take. They know what they're doing so I'm putting my trust in them as best I could.

You know, I honestly feel like the forbidden fruit. I am willing to take any job I can get my hands on. I honestly don't care if I'm over qualified for it. Right now my small pay checks are going to make ends meet.

The only thing is until the end of June I can't work Thursdays as that's the day Dad and I will be visiting Mom. Other than that I'll work whatever shift they throw at me. Weekends, morning, graveyard, it doesn't matter, I'll take it.

However, once Mom gets out of the hospital I'm going to be needed to be on call. In case of emergency I need to be able to run off within a few moments notice. As closely as Mom will be monitored the chances of these emergency leaves are very small.

By law I must disclose this. If I don't I can be fired. I don't know if this is a state thing or just a local thing but it's definately used locally.

I swore to myself that I'd never use this but I'm about ready to pull the "disabled" card to try to get something. The Americans With Disabilities act is often used here too.

With the way things are economy wise I don't think it would make much difference.

I saw a tank top that had an apple on it, buttons on the straps and the word "Forbidden" on it. I'm so getting that shirt.

In the Catch 22 situation the family seems to be in one's got to have a sense of humor about it.

If I wasn't laughing at the insanties of this world I'd be crying.
__________________
I was a sailor. I was born upon the tide and with the sea I did abide.
I sailed a schooner round the Horn to Mexico I went aloft and furled the mainsail in a blow.
And when the yards broke off they said that I got killed. But I am living still.
--The Highway Man
Errowyn is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 05-29-2009, 09:47 PM   #20
angvav
Temporary Account
 
Join Date: Jul 2008
Location: Melbourne, Vic, Australia
Posts: 1,211
Default

I know I may look bad for saying this, and sorry if I do, but I will, because I've had close people to me that have passed away last year. And these are things I had to realize myself.

You do need to take care of yourself. Work, health.

You also need to be there for your mum.

Any employer should understand that you need to be there for her.
__________________
angvav is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 05-30-2009, 12:06 AM   #21
Errowyn
Observer's Aid
 
Errowyn's Avatar
 
Join Date: Sep 2008
Location: California
Posts: 526
Default

I think what you say makes perfect sense.
__________________
I was a sailor. I was born upon the tide and with the sea I did abide.
I sailed a schooner round the Horn to Mexico I went aloft and furled the mainsail in a blow.
And when the yards broke off they said that I got killed. But I am living still.
--The Highway Man
Errowyn is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 05-30-2009, 06:47 AM   #22
jassian
Project Observer
 
jassian's Avatar
 
Join Date: Oct 2008
Location: Germany
Posts: 925
Default

I don't know any from the top of my head, but there should be jobs that you can do in your own time, right? Where you get a certain amount of work to be done by a certain deadline and when you do it is up to you.

Does anybody know anything like that? It would be perfect.
__________________
jassian is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 05-31-2009, 01:06 PM   #23
Errowyn
Observer's Aid
 
Errowyn's Avatar
 
Join Date: Sep 2008
Location: California
Posts: 526
Default

Something like that would be nice.

I'm babysitting off and on but that's mostly back pocket change.

I talked with Mom for half an hour today. She's in good spirits and is going to get a blood transfusion today. Understandably she's sometimes upset but overall is keeping a positive attitude. I told her if she got upset to call up Dad or his mother.

She's responding quite well to the chemo and her heart is in very good shape. The chemo Mom has to take can cause heart damage. It's unlikely that it will but they have to tell you because there's a chance.

Mom's hair got cut yesterday. She decided to put it in a baggie like you do with your child's first hair or the first braid. Well...the nurse only had a "biohazard" bag.

Yeah.

How Mom managed to keep a straight face when she was handing the bag to us I'll never know.
__________________
I was a sailor. I was born upon the tide and with the sea I did abide.
I sailed a schooner round the Horn to Mexico I went aloft and furled the mainsail in a blow.
And when the yards broke off they said that I got killed. But I am living still.
--The Highway Man
Errowyn is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 05-31-2009, 01:42 PM   #24
leaper1
PQL Security Staff
 
leaper1's Avatar
 
Join Date: Sep 2002
Location: Bedford, England
Posts: 2,577
Default

Quote:
Originally Posted by Errowyn View Post
Something like that would be nice.

I'm babysitting off and on but that's mostly back pocket change.

I talked with Mom for half an hour today. She's in good spirits and is going to get a blood transfusion today. Understandably she's sometimes upset but overall is keeping a positive attitude. I told her if she got upset to call up Dad or his mother.

She's responding quite well to the chemo and her heart is in very good shape. The chemo Mom has to take can cause heart damage. It's unlikely that it will but they have to tell you because there's a chance.

Mom's hair got cut yesterday. She decided to put it in a baggie like you do with your child's first hair or the first braid. Well...the nurse only had a "biohazard" bag.

Yeah.

How Mom managed to keep a straight face when she was handing the bag to us I'll never know.
Aww bless - biohazard hair. I love it!

Puts me in mind of the Simpsons episode where Homer is 'possessed' by the wig made from a criminal's hair.
__________________

Your talent is God's gift to you. What you do with it is your gift back to God.(Leo Buscaglia) Helen in Bedford
leaper1 is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 05-31-2009, 04:58 PM   #25
Errowyn
Observer's Aid
 
Errowyn's Avatar
 
Join Date: Sep 2008
Location: California
Posts: 526
Default

I remember that episode. That was a funny one.
__________________
I was a sailor. I was born upon the tide and with the sea I did abide.
I sailed a schooner round the Horn to Mexico I went aloft and furled the mainsail in a blow.
And when the yards broke off they said that I got killed. But I am living still.
--The Highway Man
Errowyn is offline   Reply With Quote
Reply

Thread Tools

Forum Jump


All times are GMT -4. The time now is 10:37 PM.


Powered by vBulletin® Version 3.7.1
Copyright ©2000 - 2020, Jelsoft Enterprises Ltd.
Copyright 2000 - 2016 Al's Place Quantum Leap Fan Site | 4.8.15.16.23.42