Old 07-02-2008, 07:59 PM   #76
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Before Al could answer, Sam looked towards the ocean and for the first time he noticed that the ship was right next to a dock.

"Mirabella!" a figure ran to to Sam.
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Old 07-02-2008, 09:30 PM   #77
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(Just a caution....this has really strayed from story points established in early posts which is making it a very confusing mish mash of ideas...hard to read and hard to write to. This may be why the amount of people posting in it has drifted off. For instance...back at the beginning it's established that the boat is moving a lot and there are dolphins around it...that would mean it's not near a dock)
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Old 07-02-2008, 09:55 PM   #78
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Al Replies " not for long Sam, there is a small island about a Mile...?? and a half up ahead.." Al suggest's "Could be where the killer boards the boat... IF Mirabella ISNT the one that did it!" ?
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Old 07-02-2008, 10:27 PM   #79
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To Jmoniz, you are right. It is getting a tad confusing, and would probably be easier if I was around when the story started. You are right about that, but the ship could have moved during the hours that the characters have spent on the ship. Also, I am now going to do the story in bold, and any comments in normal font as not to confuse them.

"Then how am I going to meet my sister?" Sam asked.

For reference, I think that we may need to step back and tie up all the loose ends, and maybe a post should be done on a plot summary up to this point, just so we can start the story from this point without any more confusion.
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Old 07-02-2008, 10:46 PM   #80
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After a few hours, couldn't they be on land? That's how I've been doing the story. Plus Sam was having a long conversation while nobody was around. If he was on the ship he probably would have been with somebody else and Al wouldn't have been there for that long.
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Old 07-02-2008, 10:52 PM   #81
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That is what I WAS saying. Anyways, I'll try to have some sort of coherent summary by tomorrow of the story up to this point, so we can reference the story and have a concrete foundation to start the second act (imagine this to be the commercial break). After all, the story started some years ago and four pages ago.
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Old 07-02-2008, 11:04 PM   #82
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Hats off to Gelfling. This "experiment" turned out to be a success.
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Old 07-02-2008, 11:52 PM   #83
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I just read through the whole story and pasted it into one document. You can download it here - http://www.yousendit.com/download/TTdHL0dFNkdrYURIRGc9PQ . It's not quite 4 pages in length and, at most, it took me 15 minutes to read it, create the document, and reboot when my computer froze. The posts may be spread over 4 pages but it's really not that long.

The actual time frame the story covers is probably no more than 10-15 minutes...not a few hours. Reading through it, there are now more than a few consistency problems that most likely cropped because of not reading before posting.

On a completely nitpicky note, the tense tends to wander. A narrative, 3rd person story (which this is) is customarily written in the past tense - not the present tense. On several occassions it has wandered to the present tense.
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Old 07-03-2008, 12:34 AM   #84
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Thank you for the word document. I actually started this before I knew that you posted this, and did this whole summary. This is just a breif sythises, and I would recommend going to read the hyperlink above if you would like the whole story (this is more or less for those that are already familiar with the story).
================================================== ======
As Sam leaped onto the ships, he fell, and was caught by a strange but physically able man. It is apparant that he is a good deal away from land, because there are dolphins. The strange man offers something to eat for Sam, and in response, Sam goes over the railing and vomits.

As Sam is on the ground, he sees and grabs a silver necklace, which he picks up and is assumed to keep with him (this is never clarified). Al appears, and teases him about his stomach sickness. At this point, the man offers Sam some food again. When Sam tells Al that he will throw up again if he mentions food, the mystery man thinks that Sam is talking to him, and puts him in an arm-lock and forces him below decks.

Below, the man offers him some whisky, and mentions that he does Deep Sea Diving. The man persists in having him drink, and then he appears to leave. At this point, Sam is told that he is Mirabella Furtado.

The man hackling him is Wayne "The Saint" Montalvo, an ex-priest who now spends his days treasure hunting on the ocean. Al tells Sam that Ziggy says there is an 87% chance Sam is here to restore his faith. As it turns out, he killed two weeks later when his ship crashes into some rocks.

As Al and Sam were talking, Montalvo returns and sees this. Montalvo thinks that he is drunk, or that there are stowaways. A few hours go by, and Al returns to tell Sam that when Montalvo was killed on ????? Island*, there was whisky on this breath, and a whisky bottle next to him that did not contain his fingerprints. Al also tells him that the main suspect is Mirabella, which is Sam's host.

It turns out that Mirabella and Wayne are engaged, and that he finds some treasure following the wedding. It is implied that someone killed Montalvo, frames Mirabella, and gets away with the treasure, since that is never found. There is a bruise on her arm, which is implied to be a struggle, but this is not elaborated on.

Sam then needs to meet up with his older sister in five minutes to pick up a wedding dress**. It is implied that somebody is running towards Sam, and that the ship is heading towards another island in a mile and a half time.
================================================== =======

*Needs a name

**Some confusion between environment and story line

Whew . Anyways, I would once again like to say that jmoinz has the complete story, and you should probably read that before the summary or posting.

I also agree that there needs to be some more clear rules. I read the original rules, but they are usually disregarded. Therefore, here are some updated rules to be posted. I would love to hear any alterations or new rules before we pick up the story. Also, I would love to thank jmoinz for making me stop and think that we are a little confused. I'm not trying to be in charge, I just think that there does need to be some new clarity since 2002.
--------------------------------------------------------------------------
1. Instead of 10-15 words (since this is usually disregarded), perhaps one to three sentences, with the length not exceeding five lines (line measurements in the posting box, not the posted box.

2. There needs to be a uniform tense (I opt for 3rd person, but this is just me).

3. Personally, it gets a little hard to tell the difference between the story and comments at a glance. Text that is part of the story should be bolded. That way, comments and story can be put in the same post without confusion.
-------------------------------------------------------------------------
If there are any others, then just post them. We should be able to get this yet. Then we can start the story without these holes. I think that this story is very well-written. Thanks to Gelfling for starting this, and to everyone who brought us to this point.
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Old 07-03-2008, 08:03 AM   #85
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Yeah, I agree with ohboy.
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Old 07-03-2008, 12:33 PM   #86
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After reading Gelfling's original posting, I thought of another rule that probably doesn't need to be said, but should be nonetheless (kind of like when McDonalds had to put on their cups that their coffee is hot).
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4. Posts should pretain to the story or the upkeeping of the story in some way, and should not greatly deviate from either of the above to the point that the thread would go off topic.
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I hope that I'm not starting to sound like a . Just imagine the avatar is posting all this, his character is more controlling.
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Old 07-03-2008, 05:31 PM   #87
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So, we're leaving the story for now right? Are we starting part two on a new thread or just sticking with this one?
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Old 07-03-2008, 05:37 PM   #88
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Actually, I was just taking an intermission to get our ducks in a row. It has gotten a little confusing to post, and I think that we needed to step back and take a moment to get every thing orgainzed. If you think that we should continue the story in a new thread, we can. However, I was personally just waiting for a few days, so that everyone had a chance to give input. Then we would continue. What do you think we should do, Sam's Crow, since you have been very active in this thread?
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Old 07-03-2008, 05:45 PM   #89
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Or you could just send me a private message.

I guess the reason that I am so adamant about trying to keep this running optimally is because I think that this is a very fun experience, and I would hate to see this die. Plus, I love the energy that goes into this. It may have started in 2002, but it has certainly been reborn in the past few months.
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Old 07-03-2008, 05:54 PM   #90
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I think it'd be easier to keep it on the same thread. Those who are new to the forum and story can just look through the whole story in one piece.
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Old 07-03-2008, 06:02 PM   #91
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Sounds good. Well, we can start the story up at anytime, I think that everyone can be caught up by now. I think that the loose ends in the summary, especially the part about Mirabella's sister and meeting up with her needs to be addressed, though. Well, let us forge ahead.
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Old 07-03-2008, 06:06 PM   #92
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Yeah, I just thought there needed to be an end to the conversation between Sam and Al. They conversations between them two don't usually go on for so long with out anybody else there. :P
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Old 07-03-2008, 06:11 PM   #93
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That's why I put one of the rules to increase and encourage longer posts. Personally, 10-15 words didn't seem to be enough. 1-3 sentences of medium to longer length may help move along long conversations, but not allow someone to dominate 1/4 the story in one post.
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Old 07-03-2008, 06:16 PM   #94
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Yeah, I reckon it's better when there aren't any massive paragraphs in one post.
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Old 07-03-2008, 06:22 PM   #95
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This is page #95, and in a perfect world the story would restart in #101, which would make this a page full of rules and revisions. So, don't be shy about suggestions, fellow RRers. It would even be cool if Gelfling took a look at all the progress we made!
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Old 07-04-2008, 12:02 PM   #96
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All contributions to the story must be in bold. Ohboy, seeing as us two have been hogging the thread recently do you think we should do one contribution a day so others can have a go? If it is just left bare by other people then maybe e can do more.
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Old 07-04-2008, 01:25 PM   #97
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That is a very good idea. Sadly, when I see that someone else has posted, I feel the need to do even if I did so an hour before. But no, it is not fair to everyone. Tell me if I correctly stated your idea.

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5. Each individual should limit their story contributions to one post per day. This gives others a chance to think of what comes next without being rushed.
----------------------------------------------------------------------------

Oh, and you are right. The two of us have done the last 13 posts, over a period of 1.5 days.
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Old 07-04-2008, 01:52 PM   #98
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Quote:
Originally Posted by ohboy
That is a very good idea. Sadly, when I see that someone else has posted, I feel the need to do even if I did so an hour before. But no, it is not fair to everyone. Tell me if I correctly stated your idea.

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5. Each individual should limit their story contributions to one post per day. This gives others a chance to think of what comes next without being rushed.
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Yeah, that's right.
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Old 07-05-2008, 06:28 PM   #99
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Shall we start the story again just before Al tells Sam about meeting up with Mirabella's sister? That's where it all started to get confusing.
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Old 07-05-2008, 06:56 PM   #100
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Sounds good. With a new page a tow, I'll let someone pick up the story, since I was the last one to post a story contribution. Anyways, the screen blacks out in that second of intermission between commericial and television program. So... GO!
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