From: lalsoong@sprynet.com (Christine Wirick )
Subject: Pardox Delusion, part 15
Date: Sun, 23 Feb 1997 04:29:44 GMT
Message-ID: <3316c747.33233097@m3.sprynet.com>
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                        Chapter Fifteen:
                                
     Sam could understand why Ben had found the Beatles soothing.
Before opening Patrick's journal, he listened to "Strawberry Fields
Forever."

     He sat down on the sofa and closed his eyes.  Once he was
completely relaxed, Beckett felt he was ready to delve into the
remaining installments of the future-lives journal:


January 3,
     When my psyche emerges from oblivion, it enters the life of a
harem girl.  The sultan, of course, "owns" all his wives, who are
actually more like slaves by our standards.

     After a lifetime of abuse, she defies the sultan.  Outraged, he
orders her execution by a Greek-style wheel, which is in effect a form
of crucifixion.  The woman's punishment includes excruciating sexual
torture.  It's impossible for a man to describe, let alone imagine
experiencing.  All I know is that every guard under the sultan is
allowed his turn with her and that whips, spikes, and prodding
instruments are used on her.

     I have to wonder if Sam Beckett deals with female stimulations in
his time travel.  Quite possibly, he is the only man who can
understand how truly violated a woman victimized by rape feels.

     Sam remembered the one rape victim he had leaped into.  Although
he had arrived after the rape occurred, he shared much of her
emotional pain.  He lived in a world where the gap toward equality was
narrowing, and yet, discrimination was still quite prevalent.
Contemplating a world as perverse as the sultan's made Sam violently
ill.  He felt helpless, knowing he could do nothing to change that
world.

     He glanced at the wet bar, tempted to get up and pour himself
another scotch on the rocks.


January 4
     The harem girl is afraid to die.  She is terrified of the destiny
she knows she faces, and yet at the same time, she feels an eerie
peace with it.  She knows that her death will be the catalyst that
starts the revolution.  She will die for her kind, so they may one day
rise to equality.  I know little more other than that despite her
torture, the harem girl dies with only blissful thoughts.

January 7
     Lifetimes three and four are much vaguer.

     In lifetime number three, I believe I am a princess in a
dimension equivalent to Ancient Troy.  The city is captured during war
and most inhabitants are either taken as slaves or are executed.  As a
member of the ruler class, I will experience death by impaling.  It
will not be a quick death as I am impaled in multiple non-vital
regions.

     The fourth lifetime is similar to the latter in that I will once
again be impaled.  Only this time, I will be making a self-sacrifice.
I am unable to "see" any more at this time.  Perhaps knowing more
would affect me too negatively in this lifetime.

     There is something not right with my cosmic baggage.  I'm getting
a sense that Sam Beckett and I are becoming too psychically linked;
that he may experience some of my pain and horror.  It is nearly in a
blank spot, but I believe that potential for cohabitation at some
point exists.  HE assures me that it's Sam's own commitment to help
that keeps the psychic bond between us this tight.

     Sam didn't like the sound of a psychic bond.  He found it
difficult enough to deal with the possibility that he had any psychic
abilities.  Still, he'd never been one to back away from a problem.
That's why he had such a high success rate with quantum leaping.  He
wasn't about to let this challenge meet with failure.  He would
continue no matter how linked he became with Patrick, no matter how
much pain and horror he would have to endure.  He would save Patrick,
and he would save the souls of Ben and Karen Simms.

     Am I to experience these future lives with Patrick? Sam wondered.
Is that what he means by a psychic bond?  Beckett wasn't sure that he
could handle such a test.  "I want to help Patrick!" he said aloud,
trying to speak with conviction.

     From inside the Waiting Room, Patrick picked up on Sam's
emotional state.  He closed his eyes and concentrated and after a
moment, he clearly heard Sam's spoken words.  "You're a good man, Sam
Beckett," Marland sent back.

     At first, Sam was shocked to hear Patrick's voice.  He hadn't
realized that the psychic was listening to him, of course, but once he
accepted the psychic connection, Beckett felt comfortable--even
relieved--about it.


January 9
     There is something about the fifth lifetime that sends psychic
shivers through me.  I feel this world comes closer to our society
than the others.
     They are in the midst of a civil war that has lasted for several
years.  They are nearing anarchy.  What little is left of the
government barely functions.  Its officials are afraid to issue orders
for fear of assassination.

     Those who want peace are confused.  They don't know whom to
trust.  Many are executed for the most infinitesimal violations.


January 11
     There are several factions, each demanding that their ways are
supreme.  Life is devalued.  Each faction sees members of the others
as inferior to their own.  The nobility are the first to be executed.
Then prisoners of war are captured.  Many are taken to concentration
camps, tortured beyond belief.  If they are lucky, they will be put on
trial.  The trials are more like theatrical plays.  Everyone is
pronounced guilty, and everyone is executed immediately, on the spot.

     Then the judge orders the corpse auctioned to the highest bidder
among those who will pay for such a prize.  Corpses are worth
unimaginable amounts of money, because the people of this world enjoy
dissecting and studying them for perverse reasons.

     This world is embroiled in a war a lot like several we've had in
our own world, Sam thought.  World War II, Vietnam. . .As Matthew,
Patrick must have felt the same confusion and pain as Ben.  Why am I
here, then?  I was never in a war.  How am I supposed to convince Ben
that I understand where he's coming from?  That's like telling a
pregnant woman in labor that I understand the pain she's going
through.


January 14
     When my time comes, I will listen to the theatrical recounting of
all my "crimes."  In essence, I have done nothing even deserving of a
slap on the wrist.  But my willfulness, my loyalty to the
barely-functioning government is considered a high crime by this
faction.  Upon being proclaimed guilty, I am sentenced to be executed
by a hypospray.  I barely hear the order before I am lying dead on the
floor.

     Afterward, I see the time traveler leaping into the agent of the
sale; to make a difference, to help end this carnage theme.


     Ben must have been that confused over in Vietnam, Sam thought.
He probably didn't know whom to trust or what to believe.  Al would
probably understand that best of any of them involved.  Sam stood and
began pacing, holding his place in the journal with his finger.  Al!
That's it!  Sam stopped his pacing as he realized the pertinent
connection between him--or rather Al--and Ben.  Al is the missing
piece to the puzzle.  That's why God wanted me to take Patrick's
place.  We need both Al and Patrick to help convince Ben that he's not
alone.  Other men have suffered through the horrors of war.

     Only one entry remained in the second journal.  Eager to share
his plan with Raymond and Meg, he quickly read through it.


January 15
     There is one more lifetime in which I live a long, peaceful life
well into my nineties.  As my time draws near, I sense Sam Beckett
leaping into someone close to me.  This lifetime discharges the horror
of the others and severs the psychic link between Sam and I.  Yet, the
time traveler is there by his own accord.  And we may remain linked,
not as melded almost to one, but as friends--more as I with Raymond or
he with Al--forever, if he chooses it, and I do.  I choose to honor
the choice of the man who would do this for others by choice.

     I don't know if I am destined to live out all these lifetimes.
That knowledge is hidden in a blank spot.  I sense that it is possible
that I will only have to endure some of them, but it is just as likely
that I will have to live out-- and die through--them all.

     I do want to note that in the visions I have seen alterations in
that first lifetime.  Sometimes, I see a different version of
cannibals.  In this, we meld; Sam becomes one with me for awhile.
This is not my choice, but if he cannot let go of the guilt, it will
happen.

     Learn to let go, Sam, for both our sakes.  It will benefit
everyone--you, me, those societies.


     Sam closed the journal and walking over to the stereo, turned off the CD.  He wondered if they could come
up with a solution before Ben reappeared.


     As Meg stepped into the flower shop, the sweet-smelling fragrances enhanced her mood.  She hoped that
the pleasant atmosphere was having an equally positive influence on
Lisanne Sheffield.

     Lisanne was waiting on another customer and did not immediately
notice that Meg had entered.  When she did as she was handing the
customer her change, she smiled broadly and stepped around the counter
to approach her.  Since there were no other customers at the moment,
she had a few minutes to chat.

     "I'm glad you decided to stop by, Meg," Lisanne said.  "I've been
wanting to thank you for encouraging me to get this job.  It's the
best decision I've ever made."

     "I'm relieved to hear that.  How is Charles dealing with it?  Has
he begun to accept your need to work?"

     "He's still angry."  Meg was almost certain that she saw fear in
Lisanne's eyes.  "He does not want me to work, but this is one time,
I've decided, that I am not going to give in."

     "Good for you," Meg said, giving Lisanne's arms a squeeze.  "So
how are you really doing?"

     "While I'm here, at work--" Lisanne fingered a nearby plant as
she spoke.  "--I can almost forget everything that happened in that
house."

     Meg wondered if there wasn't more that Lisanne wasn't telling
her.  What else did work help her forget about?

     "I was worried that you might be angry that I stopped by.  I
really have no business in your personal life--"

     "Oh don't think that!  I'm actually glad that someone cares
enough to make sure I'm doing all right.  I haven't been able to make
many friends since I finished high school."  Meg wondered if she
really meant since she'd married, but kept the thought to herself.  "I
don't know why you care so much about me, but I'm really grateful."
Lisanne began to choke a little on her words and her eyes began to
water.

     Meg gently clutched the other woman's arm and after only a slight
hesitation, she wrapped her arms around Lisanne, giving her a firm,
reassuring hug.  "I am your friend, Lisanne.  You can be sure of
that."

     Another customer entered at that moment, and Lisanne pulled away
from Meg's embrace to quickly rub at her eyes.  "If you will excuse
me," she said, walking away to greet the other customer.

     Meg browsed the shop while Lisanne was busy with the other
customer.  She found a couple jasmine plants in one corner and bent to
sniff at the pale yellow buds.  She selected the healthier looking of
the two plants and brought it over to the checkout counter.  She did
not see any vanilla plants, and decided she would wait until Lisanne
was free again, so she could ask her if the shop had any.

     After the other customer left with a flat of begonias, Lisanne
turned back toward Meg.  "Oh, you wanted to buy something."

     "Yes," Meg replied.  "If you don't mind, I'd like to put a couple
of plants in the living room.

     "Of course, I don't mind."  Lisanne examined the jasmine plant.
"I have always loved yellow flowers, because they remind me of a
summer's day."

     "I was also looking for a vanilla plant, but I didn't see any."

     "We have only a couple of very small vanilla plants.  That's
probably why you overlooked them."  Lisanne walked back around the
counter and crossed to the other side of the room.  Reaching past
several plants, she lifted a small pot.  "You're the first person to
request a vanilla plant since I started working here.  I don't think
most people even realize that vanilla comes from a plant."

     "Patrick and I are planning to use it for aromatheraputic
purposes.  Do you know what that is?"

     "I have heard of it.  Isn't that using plant oils on the body for
natural healing and cleansing?"

     "Yes, exactly.  Jasmine and vanilla both aid in psychic
functioning.  I think we need all the boost in strength we can find."

     "Of course."  Lisanne hesitated, biting at her lips.  "Why don't
you just take the plants?  I'll pay for them out of my wages.  Your
using them in my house, so consider it part of your expense account."
Meg started to open her mouth to protest, but Lisanne stopped her.  "I
insist!  Please, it's about the only thing I can do and it makes me
feel good to help anyway I can."

     "All right, then," Meg said with a nod.  "You call me any time if
you ever want to talk about anything."

     "I will, Meg, and thank you so very much for offering me
support."

     Meg picked up the plants and left the shop with them.  Well, I
didn't establish whether or not Charles ever abused her, she realized.
But at least I know that Lisanne has a positive outlook on the rest of
her life.  I think she's going to be just fine.

     Over dinner, Meg told Raymond and Sam about her visit with
Lisanne Sheffield.  "Do you think we should contact the police about
this?" she asked.

     "Without Lisanne's coming right out and admitting it," Sam said,
"we don't have any real proof that she's in an abuse situation."

     "Sam's right," Raymond said.  "As much as it pains us, there
really is nothing we can do.  Hopefully, Lisanne will decide to help
herself."

     "I just pray I made it clear to her that she can count on me if
she ever needs any help getting away from that bastard!"  Meg stood up
and began clearing the table.  "I believe it's my turn to wash the
dishes.  As soon as I'm finished, Sam, I'd like to wrap up your lesson
in safety barriers."

     Nodding, he replied, "I suppose I'm as ready as I'll ever be."


     When they stepped into the living room, Sam noticed the two small
plants on the coffee table.  "I take it you found what you were
looking for," he said.

     "Yes," she replied. "Not only are they pleasant smelling, but
they will aid us psychically as well.  Let's have a seat, shall we?"
She pointed toward the couch as she headed toward it and sat down.
She had set her notes right between the two plants and picking up her
pen, began jotting down more notes down for Sam.  "Grounding involves
the use of non-PSI or at the least, activities that produce very
little PSI.  At the top of this list would be any household chores or
anything else considered everyday responsibilities.  Then there is
also mineral and color grounding.  You should choose the items you
wear carefully.  Reading and watching television can also serve as
grounding tools, but you must be very careful about what you choose.
Some fiction does have subtle PSI presences."

     "I've been reading a book called Julian's House.  I found it in
Patrick's back.  It's a haunted house story quite similar to what
we're experiencing here."

     "I see."  Meg grew pensive for a moment.  "If Patrick left it
inside his bag when he knew you were coming, he must have felt that it
was safe enough for you to read the novel.  I'm sure it has helped
your perspective as well."

     Sam nodded.  "I'm relieved that I didn't place myself in danger
inadvertently."

     Meg patted him on the hand.  "It was wise of you to ask.  You can
bet that Patrick took every precaution to ensure that the book would
be safe for you to read, though."  She paused for a couple of beats.
"Now, to continue with the lesson on grounding--In general,
crystalline mineral structures tend to enhance PSI functioning and
non- crystalline mineral structures tend to have a grounding effect.
There are also certain minerals that tend to have a balancing effect
on the whole and that's often individual to the psychic."

     "How do I figure out which ones would do that for me?"

     "The only true way is by testing different stones.  Basically,
stones like agate, onyx, jade, and turquoise tend to have a grounding
effect.  As I said before, you should also have at least one piece of
jewelry with your birthstone.  It tends to help balance you.

     "Also, we've already discussed colors earlier, but we need to
touch on it briefly again under grounding.  Earth colors are grounding
colors and that basically includes your browns and your greens.

     "The next item, thematic concept grounding, is a little difficult
to explain out of context.  Basically, you can have themes which are
positive for you for any reason.  You may associate some of them
through Project Quantum Leap, while others will stem from your
childhood.  In a way, these themes that you create through your
experiences become talismans that have an effect of enhancing safety.
For example, a Christian could find a talisman in crosses and
crucifixes."

     "Would figurines of animals make good talismans?  I grew up on a
farm and have always felt a special bond with animals of all kinds."

     "Animals can make excellent talismans for someone like you.  If
you find any porcelain figurines that you're particularly fond of or
that bring back pleasant childhood memories, then they would make good
talismans for you.

     "Then we have music. . .You've already been listening to the
Beatles and since you were a teen during their peak years, quite
possibly they serve as a grounding tool for you.  Certain artists can
serve as a grounding tool overall, and again this depends on the
individual psychic.  If you find yourself able to associate with any
artist and the particular music genre they perform in, then they will
most likely help you when trying to ground out psychic energy.

     "Earthly things can help ground you.  Long showers or baths,
especially when natural bath oils are used to provide sensual pleasure
can be very effective in grounding out high psychic energy.

     "Finally, the last item on the chart is the effect of items
received as gifts.  With the exception of gifts in areas you have
defined as "hot" themes, items received from someone else will tend to
have a grounding effect.  Also its color, whether it's part of one of
your personal themes, and if it contains any minerals will figure into
this."  Meg sighed heavily.  "With that, we've finally finished my
long lecture.  I certainly hope I haven't overwhelmed you!  Do you
have any final questions?"

     "Yeah. . .actually, a big one.  How do I apply all this to our
current situation?"  He picked up the notes from the coffee table and
glanced through them with a fluster.  "How do I know if I'm choosing
the safest route?"

     "The best plan for tonight, Sam would be to relax and allow
yourself to absorb everything you've learned today.  Tomorrow, after
you've had time to think about all of it, I will help you realize the
answer to that question.  I have some sample bath oils I'd like you to
try."

     "A small gift," Sam said with an impish smile.

     "Yes, I suppose it is," Meg replied, blushing slightly.

     From her reaction, Sam wondered if maybe she hadn't realized that
it could be looked at that way.  She may be psychic, but she's still
human.  Sam felt some reassurance by that, because it helped him feel
more comfortable with his own flaws.

     "Well, I suppose I should go to my room and get the bath oils for
you."

     Several minutes later after Meg had brought the oils to him and
had explained what each one contained and how it would help, Sam
excused himself and went up to his room to take a long, leisurely
bath.

     Sam set the bath oils, along with a towel, on the floor next to
the tub."  Once he'd tested the water until it had reached a
considerably warm temperature, Sam closed the stopper.  he stretched a
little before starting to remove his clothing, realizing his
muscles--or rather Patrick's muscles--were a little tense.  Completely
stripped, he stuck his right foot into the water as a second test
before fully immersing himself into the tub.  He waited to turn off
the water until it was nearly overflowing.  Deciding to allow the warm
water to gently massage him for a few minutes, he leaned back.  He
closed his eyes and thought about everything Meg had explained to him.
would tomorrow bring the showdown?  And if so, which outfit should he
wear?  I never thought the clothes I chose to wear would ever have an
effect on a leap, he mused with a smile.  Slowly, he allowed himself
to drift back up from the comforting water to reach for the bath oils.
he found himself wishing he had removed the lids before stepping into
the water, because it took some effort to unscrew them with wet hands.
He sniffed at each oil before deciding to try the containing a blend
of chamomile, peppermint and spearmint, which said it helped with
mental balance.  It smells the best of the three, he decided.  That's
certainly a good start.  He began rubbing it along his neck and chest,
breathing in the aroma.  He figured the scent had a large factor in
the oil's healing abilities.  If he breathed it in through his nasal
passages, he reasoned, his olfactory nerves would report the sensation
to his hypothalamus the part of the brain responsible for feelings of
happiness, anger and sexual desire. Quite probably, that was how
aromatherapy worked.  Already in the first moments, as he began
applying the oil to his arms and then his legs, he was feeling the
effects of the natural blend.  He lingered at his feet to give them an
extra massaging.  They were the farthest point from his nostrils, but
he figures the oil would also aid in healing the dry, roughness of the
bottom of his feet.

     Reaching for his towel, he stood and began drying off.  He
stepped out of the bathroom with the towel wrapped around his waist
when he noticed the project observer standing beside his bed.

     "I thought I'd allow you a little privacy," All said, waving his
cigar.

     "Thanks," Beckett replied, sitting on the edge of the bed.  "So
what's up on your end?"

     "Ziggy says that the odds that the evil spirits are going to make
an appearance are going up.  She predicts that it will most likely
happen sometime tomorrow."

     "I'm still scared, Al, but I think I'm as ready as I could
possible be to battle them."

     Al and Sam stared into each other's eyes, neither speaking, but
both understanding completely what the other was thinking.  Afterward,
Al excused himself so Sam could get some rest.  They both knew they
had a big day ahead of them.