Newsgroups: alt.ql.creative From: wgarmil@world.std.com (Wayne S Garmil) Subject: Quantum Soup Message-Id: Organization: The World Public Access UNIX, Brookline, MA Date: Wed, 13 Apr 1994 20:38:55 GMT Lines: 1090 I am posting this for someone without access to this group. Enjoy! --- Quantum Soap by Frank J. Perricone perricone@wsyd.com -- The crackling blue light faded, curiously, into a red light, and Sam looked up. A flying saucer was just beginning to pull away. "Wait! Come back!" _I remember something like this before... I was an old man then..._ The ship vanished, leaving Sam alone in a pine barrens with a pickup truck. "Al?" Sam was sure he could feel Al's presence, somehow, but didn't see him anywhere. "Al? Are you here?" It seemed like the swiss- cheesing of his mind, long a familiar companion, was even worse; he was having memories that _couldn't_ be real... like the time his third wife... no, was it his fourth? "I must be swiss-cheesed with Al's mind again! Only, worse than last time. Last time? Was there a last time? Oh, boy." "Better just figure out who I am and what I have to do, and get out of here fast." He checked the wallet he found in his jacket. "Burt Campbell. This looks like Connecticut.... The license expires in 1978, so it must be the seventies. Well, better get to... my house." * * * * * "Gooshie, find Al!" Beeks was unable to calm the frantic leapee, who, convinced he'd been abducted by aliens, was now jabbering wildly, kicking, wobbling, and being generally uncontrollable. "Tina, give me that hypo." "Hypo? What's a hypo?" "A *needle*! Hurry!" "Oh!" Tina giggled, then handed the needle to Beeks, who injected it into the arm of... "Ziggy, what's this guy's name?" "Burt Campbell, 34 years old. Lives in a small town in Connecticut. Has two biological sons -- correction, one, the other was recently murdered by his brother-in-law -- interesting, the other one is a professional ventriloquist. And two stepsons by his current wife. One is a former Mafia hitman, and one is a homosexual commercial director. Except that the Mafia hitman is really the son of his brother-in-law. Oh, and he, Burt that is, apparently murdered his wife Mary's previous--" "That's plenty, Ziggy." "You haven't even heard the weird stuff yet. Wait until you hear about the other side of the family." "Lovely." Burt had settled down, though his face still made odd twitches now and again. "When he comes to, he'll be very groggy and slightly delusional, and may have hallucinations. Better get him to the medlab and check him out." Within a few moments, the guards had helped Beeks get Burt to the medlab and onto a table, and Beeks was investigating him with various instruments. "Wait, he's starting to come around. Strap him down, so he doesn't get out of control again." "Mmmmmmuuuuuuuummmmmmmmmrrrrrrrr... Where am I?" Burt looked at Beeks, then twitched his eyes, as if trying to focus. Then looked again. "Are you an alien?" Then, to himself, "Of course you're an alien, you're four feet high and silver. Either I'm crazy, or I'm on a spaceship, or I'm dreaming. That must be it. I'm dreaming. Wake up, Burt. Time to wake up!" "Don't worry, you'll be fine. You're a little disoriented because of the leap and the drugs, but you'll be fine, and we'll be releasing you soon." "No, you have to release me now. I have a wife, and Danny, and-- and they need me." "Don't worry. One of us is now there, filling in for you." "Won't Mary know it's not me?" "Well, it's hard to explain." Beeks knew; she'd been trying to find ways to explain it to people for four years, and still hadn't gotten it quite right. She wasn't sure *she* understood it herself. "You see, there's a quantum dynamic effect on the protons in the outer sheathing of the optic and otic neurons, and... don't worry about it. We have advanced technology, and we can make him appear just like you. He will live your life while you're here." "My life? All of my life? Will he be... sleeping with my wife?" Beeks was silent. * * * * * "Sam, this leap has gone totally caca." "Al, I wish you wouldn't surprise me like that!" Sam regained control over the pickup truck, whose handling left a lot to be desired anyway. "What are your memories doing in my head?" "Ziggy's working on it. She gives an 88% probability that you're not supposed to be here at all." "That's impossible." "Well, yes... and no. Apparently, there was a tremendous source of energy, we don't know what, just as you were leaping, and it... well... diverted you here." "The spaceship!" "Spaceship? Sam, don't start..." "Al, there was a spaceship! There was this red beam, and it was coming down onto me, but it left!" "Well, that must have been the energy source. Anyway, you weren't supposed to leap here, so we're not sure what you could do to get out. Not that there aren't enough things wrong with this guy's family... This is one screwed-up family!" "But that doesn't explain why I'm remembering your wives... Al! You did that with your WIFE??? Where can you even buy that kind of thing? Seems interesting. Wait a minute--there's nothing interesting about it at all! That's -- depraved! Al, you've got your mind mixed in with mine again. This has happened before, hasn't it? I can't remember." "It's because you're not supposed to be here. At least, that's what Ziggy says. She also says that, the longer you stay here, the more mixed together we'll become. So you've got to leap out of here FAST." "Great. Just great. But there's nothing for me to solve?" "Well, we're working on it. I'm going to go back and see if I can't get Gooshie to persuade Ziggy to move a bit faster. Or, maybe I could just do it myself. I think that we could probably double the rate of simulation on the alternate history projection routines if we just consolidate the global data area with the code from... What the hell am I saying?" A grin stole over Sam's face. "You know how to program Ziggy! You're getting stuff from my brain, too, Sam! I mean Al. You're Al, I'm Sam, right?" "Huh? What? Errr... yes, I'm Sam, no I mean I'm Al, you're Sam. Oh boy, Beeks was right. If we don't leap you out of here, we won't be able to tell ourselves apart. I better get back." Al whapped the handlink (which was working fine) a few times for good measure, as if to remind himself who he was. _Al would never hit something like this. No, I mean *Sam* wouldn't. Oh boy._ * * * * * "Burt! You're home! I was so worried!" The blonde-haired woman had to be Mary, Burt's wife. Sam stepped into the room, unsure what to do next, when Mary hugged him. "You were gone so long!" Mary was very nice. Very nice indeed. For a brief moment, Sam realized that the strong presence of Al in his mind was going to make it very hard to resist taking advantage of this situation. By the time he finished thinking that, though, he was already carrying Mary up the stairs, his lips tingling. * * * * * "Beeks, this is terrible. I can't remember if I'm Sam or Al!" "I'm very concerned about this. It won't be long before each of you loses his identity. Sam needs his identity even more than most of us do. He has to live in other people's lives all the time; if he can't remember who he is, he could lose his ability to return here forever." "What about me? I keep having all these weird thoughts about modems and mesons and things. And I can't remember my third wife at all! Or is that my second wife I can't remember? Oh, boy, I can't remember. Beeks, I can't even remember what I can't remember!" "Calm down, Al, and go see Burt. Tina and Gooshie have been working hard on this and they have a plan. They think if we leap Burt back into Sam, Sam will be displaced back to where he was supposed to go, and everything should be set right. But we have to do it soon, because your nuerological link to Sam is essential, and if you get too mixed up, we won't be able to control the leaps. Go get Burt ready to leap. And keep reminding yourself who you are." Al started the long trip to the medlab, where Burt was waiting. "Right. I'm Al Beckett. No, that's not right, I'm Sam Al. Sam Al. That can't be right, what kind of name is that? Sam-al-sam-al...Sal? No... Saul! That sounds right. Saul Beckavicci." * * * * * Mary was fixing breakfast when Sam came in. There was that guy with the dummy again, and the dummy was complaining about the food. _Weird family_, Sam thought as he sat down to breakfast. He needed breakfast. After last night, he needed lots of protein. A statuesque, well-endowed red-haired woman came in and greeted everyone. Sam couldn't help but stare. _What is happening to me? Sam, get out of my head! Err, no, wait, that's not right._ But he couldn't focus; he found his head kept spinning towards, then away from, the red-head's breasts. "Good morning, Jess." "Good morning, Mary. What was it you wanted to talk to me about?" "Nothing." Mary clipped her word off quickly, but Sam didn't notice, so entranced was he with Jess. "But you called and asked me to come over and talk about--" "Nothing. A recipe. That's all." "A recipe for what?" "Nothing. That is, I'm not cooking anything." Mary dropped the fresh-cooked eggs onto the plate in front of the man with the dummy, then returned to the stove. "I see." Jessica got that shrewd look on her face. Sam finished his breakfast, then told Mary, "Get some rest. I'll be back for lunch." He tried to wink, but it somehow came out as a comical face gesture. "I won't be here," Mary said sharply. Sam couldn't help but turn to Jess. "Doing anything for lunch?" Jess laughed the suggestion off, so Sam left for work. "Jess... Burt's not himself." "Who is he?" "I don't know. Looks like Burt, feels like Burt, acts like Burt... but it's not Burt. Do you think I'm crazy?" * * * * * "I've got to get out of here. I've got to escape. He's with my wife!" "Calm down, Burt." "Who are you?" "My name is Saul. You can't escape from here... because it's not a 'here' you're trapped in, it's a when. You're in the future." "What?" Burt woozed a bit, still under the influence of the drugs. "I gotta get out. My wife needs me!" "Look, we've been working on this problem for a long time now, leaping around in time. We can't just let you go. We--" "How long am I going to have to stay here?" "I told you, you're not lost in space, you're lost in time. You have no concept of how much time has passed." "What, does time work differently here? How much time has passed for Mary?" "Well, that all depends on when we get you out of here, when we leap you TO. If we do it right, we'll leap you right in to where you left, so no matter how much time has passed here, no time will pass there." "You mean no time passes here? We'll live forever here? How long have you been here?" "I can't remember. Right now, my head's a little mixed up. From the way my-- his-- our head feels, seems like we've been leaping for thousands of leaps--" "Four thousand years?" "Hmm, no, just over four, I think..." "I don't understand. Let me out of here!" "Look, I'm going to help you. I'm going to take you to the acceleration chamber." "The acc-cc-ccssellll---huh?" "The leaping room." "The what?" "Nevermind, just come with me." * * * * * "She's married to a priest? I mean, an ex-priest? And the baby was -- possessed? That's impossible." Gooshie's figure wavered out. Something about that seemed familiar, too. "I'm afraid so, Sam. Next, there's Eunice. She's in love with a convicted murderer named Dutch who's to be released from prison tomorrow. The youngest of them is Billy, who's currently being held hostage by the Sunnies, a cult that's trying to brainwash him, but the Major, Benson, Donahue, and Chester are rescuing him right now. Ziggy says they're going to be successful, but Billy's history teacher will fall in love with him and then keep trying to kill herself, then Billy. But that's not for a while yet." "This whole family has gone a little caca!" "Ziggy can't identify any single problem that there's more than a 4% chance that you're here to solve. If you'd been here a bit earlier, it would have been to patch Burt and Mary's marriage back up, after Burt almost had an affair with his secretary Sally, who was being blackmailed by Inga." "Who is Inga?" "Oh, she's Corinne's real mother, who is trying to destroy both families for revenge since Corinne won't live with her." "Sounds like a real nozzle." "Yes, Admir-- errr, Sam." "Maybe it's something in their future. What happens in their future?" "Well, let's start with Jessica. She gets a fatal, incurable viral infection and dies briefly, but comes back and manages to fight off the infection. Then she travels to Malaguay and gets captured by El Puerco, the leader of a small guerilla movement, and eventually brought before a firing squad by a group of loyalists trying to lure El Puerco into the open. Strangely, all our records just stop there, for all of them." Gooshie whapped the handlink, causing his figure to almost vanish, then come in clearer. "Hmmm..." "All right, nevermind, I guess Ziggy's right, it would take a lot more than God, or Fate, or Time, to fix this family up. But you've got to get me out of here! When I'm alone, I can remember a bit of who I am, but once there's a woman in the room..." * * * * * Burt and Al entered a room filled on all sides, top to bottom, with complex controls and a cylindrical area in the center. "Step inside the chamber." "What, are you crazy? You don't know how to operate this stuff!" "Well, I didn't, but now I do. I've been picking up a lot of stuff lately." "Saul, I don't know about this..." "It's your only hope for getting back." Al pushed Burt into the chamber, then began working on the knobs. "Let's see... we need the fluxing circuit on, and there's the string-feedback. Oh, and what was that other thing I needed to do? I can't remember..." Al punched a few more buttons, and there was a sudden rushing sound. "Well, he's gone. Let's see where-- and when." "Saul?" A ghostly voice hovered over Al. "Where am I?" The voice was in a state of panic. "It's black! There's nothing but black! You beamed me to black?" "Well, maybe you're somewhere where it's nighttime." "No, I'm telling you, you beamed me to black!" Al slapped his forehead. "Oh, yeah, I needed to activate the insertion drive!" he muttered, then louder, "Hold on, Burt, I'll bring you back." After a bit of twiddling, Burt reappeared. "You beamed me to black! You don't know what you're doing!" "A simple mistake. I forgot the insertion drive. Get back in there, I'll try it again." Al started setting the knobs again. "Now, let's see, to activate the drive, I need to start the insertion from over there..." He went to a spot just behind Burt, and pressed the switch. A blue crackling light enveloped them both... ...they were in a dirt-floored room with bars on one side, and crude earthworks on the other. Al pulled out his handlink and whapped it. "Where are we?" "Well, I'm hoping Madison Square Garden, but I think it's the Colloseum." "Los Angeles?" "No, Rome." Al noticed he was now wearing a toga and shawl, but curiously, Burt was still wearing his denim slacks and lumberjack shirt. The handlink squawked as a Roman centurion soldier came to the door and said, "All right, Christians, I've got some good news and some bad news. The good news is, you're getting out. The bad news, you're going to the lions!" Al prodded the handlink. _So this is what it must be like for... whatever his name is, leaping into dangerous situations. But what the heck am I doing in ancient Rome? I don't know *whose* lifetime to use, but this isn't in anyone's!_ Out loud, to buy time while he tried to figure out how to retrieve them, he said, "We're Jewish." "The lions won't care!" The guard tried to force them out with a whip. Burt cried out, "Get us out of here!" Al hit a button on the handlink, and they vanished... * * * * * "There must be some problem I can solve. But it has to be a problem not involving any women. The women in this family are all so... Maybe I can help Jody keep his baby. Gooshie said Carol's going to try to take Wendy back, maybe if I warn him how she's going to get her mom to lie on the witness stand... I wonder if there are any cigars around here?" * * * * * "You have worn your last sombrero! You have taken your last siesta!" The Mexican soldier was taunting Al and Burt as they stood in front of a firing squad. "Filthy revolutionaries!" "Where are we now?" asked Burt. "Mexico. The most dangerous food in the world." "You have danced your last hat dance!" "Well, get us out of here!" "I can't, my hands are tied." _My hands are tied? Oh boy! I'm not Observing, I'm *Leaping*!_ "Ask for a last cigarette." "I don't smoke." _Or do I? In any case, it's not cigarettes..._ "You do now." "Excuse me, senor, but I think I'm entitled to one last cigarette." "You are entitled to nothing, filthy revolutionaries!" Burt spoke up. "Prisoners before a firing squad are entitled to one final cigarette, in accordance with The Marlboro Act." "All right, one last cigarette." He got a cigarette from one of his men, then gave it to Al, who began smoking it. "You are smoking your last cigarette!" "Nasty habit, anyway." He'd gotten his hand onto the handlink, but it wasn't working. _I can't whap it without it being obvious..._ "Enough smoking!" The soldier took the cigarette away. "You have kissed your last muchacha!" "Get us out of here!" "I'm trying, it's not working!" "Ready! Aim!" Al dropped the handlink, then kicked it. They vanished. * * * * * "They're in Mexico, 1850, now. No, wait, they've left again." Beeks said, "I can tell, the two Mexicans just vanished from the Waiting Room. At least I won't have to explain that they haven't died. Where to now?" Gooshie replied, "I'm searching the time streams, but by time I find them, they've left. How can they be travelling so far in time?" Ziggy chimed in. "The intensity of the energy which is causing the mind merge of the Admiral and Sam has skewed the leap process. They could end up anywhere or anywhen." "How can we gain control over it and force Burt to leap into Sam? And how can we get Al back?" "Still computing. And if you don't leave me alone to think, it'll take me approximately 2.7 times as long to answer your questions." * * * * * Sam was beginning to really hate it when Mary walked in to the room. His every thought was a struggle to retain his identity. He'd long since lost his name and history. Having to pretend to be someone else didn't help much. But whenever Mary was in the room, things got really bad. He knew Mary was beginning to suspect, and he knew she mustn't. But every time she was around, he couldn't help himself. He'd been sitting on the living room couch, trying to remember about his childhood. There was something about a basketball game, but it kept eluding him. Then Mary came in to the room. Sam resolved that he was going to resist, this time, if only to prove to himself that he could. Almost immediately, he felt it slipping away. Frantically, he sought around himself for something to occupy himself with. There wasn't much. The coffee table was spotless; an ashtray, a lamp, a... the other thing on the table was familiar-- in fact, he knew it was a common, ordinary thing-- but he couldn't think what it was! It had a roll of some thin, transparent, filmy stuff coming out of it to a raised point in front. He touched it, and found it was sticky. He pulled some off, and when he pulled down, it snapped off, then clung to his arm. Mary was staring at him. He glanced over, and almost forgot what he was doing. _No!_ Deliberately, he turned back to the object in his hand, determined to figure out what it was. After pulling a few more pieces off, he thought, _Film?_ It unrolled like film, but there were no frames, and it was sticky on one side, which he didn't think film ever was. _How would they run it through the... things they run it through?_ There was a knock at the door; Mary got up and opened it. "Danny!" Sam thought frantically. Gooshie had mentioned a Danny... "Danny Dallas. Stepson. OK, let him in." Fortunately, no one was listening, as Mary was having a joyful reunion with her stepson, who'd been missing for days after going out to hunt his wife's killers. And... there was another woman with him. Blonde... New York accent. Danny said her name was Millie. Sam didn't hear the rest. Struggling to retain his control, he sat and heard a conversation go on around him. At one point, sure he was about to lose it and attack Millie, he grabbed what he thought was a candy dish and offered Millie a mint; this helped fend off his desperate need to lunge towards her. But her reaction told him it wasn't a candy dish at all... it was, in fact, an ashtray. He couldn't remember what he said after that, but a few minutes later, Mary and Millie were leaving the room. _I hope they figure this out soon. I can't take much more of this._ * * * * * "We're back." Al and Burt were in the acceleration chamber again. "How did I do that?" Al noticed he was still wearing the shawl and toga, and wondered idly if some Christian now going to the lions was wearing his yellow jacket and tie over a red shirt and baggy pants. "Saul, you don't know what you're doing! You brought us to Rome and Mexico!" Al looked around at the controls, and immediately his mistake leapt to his eye. This panel was making more and more sense all the time. "I forgot the retro switch. Common mistake. Get back in there, I'll leap you down." "Aren't you coming?" "No. This is my home. I wasn't supposed to be with you last time, that was a mistake. I was too close to--" "Saul, you gotta come with me! What are you going to do, stay here?" "Why not? This is my home." "An alien spaceship? Where you've been trapped for four thousand years?" "What? No, this is my time, where I come from. Not a spaceship, this is-- err... I can't remember, but I know I belong here. Now get in there." Burt pulled off his watch. "I want you to have this. It's the only thing I have to give you, because if I gave you my belt, my pants would fall down. It's a Timex." Al thought, _Takes a licking... maybe I should find Burt in 1999 and give it back to him._ To even things up, Al pulled an unneeded knob off the control panel and gave it to Burt. "Good luck." He shoved Burt into the chamber, then hit the switches to activate it. Again, the sudden rushing, and Burt was gone. * * * * * "Gooshie, where is... he... now?" Al was bleary-eyed, but had managed to trade his shawl and toga in for a bathrobe and coffee mug. "Al, there's something you should know. There's no one in the Waiting Room." "That's impossible!" "Burt arrived, and as far as we can tell, is at his house. But Sam is still there. We think he still looks like Burt, but it's hard to tell. I think you're going to have to take over here so I can go into the Imaging Chamber." "Shouldn't I be the one to do that?" "Ziggy says you can't get close to Sam or your merging minds might get worse faster than we can do anything about it. In fact, she says you should go to Vegas for the rest of the week." "Vegas? Yuck. All that pollution. Besides, gambling is just a waste of money. The mathematical expectation is always less than the cost, so statistically--" "Al. That's what Sam would say. You should go to Vegas." "Err.... all right." * * * * * Sam was coming down the stairs, thinking, _I wish Gooshie would come back and tell me what the hell is going on,_ when the door opened, and in walked... Burt. Sam had seen that face in the mirror. "Burt!" he shouted... but Burt had just shouted the same thing, and run out the door in a panic. _How can he be here? If he's here, who am I now?_ Sam ran to the bathroom mirror, panicky, and checked. _Nope, I'm still him. What is going on?_ "There seems to be a new problem, Sam." Sam whirled to see Gooshie in front of him. "We tried to leap Burt into you, so that you'd leap out of him and into wherever it is you're supposed to leap into. But Burt arrived and you didn't leave, and now there's no one in the Waiting Room." "But that's impossible!" "That's what Admiral Calavicci said." "Who?" "Admiral Calavicci. Al." "But you're talking to me!" "No, Sam, you're Sam." "I'm... Sam?" "There's no time for this, Sam. Under no circumstances are you to allow yourself to come into contact with the real Burt. You are also to prevent him from interfering in your presence here. If anyone discovers that there are two of you, Ziggy says there is a 78% chance you will be unable to do whatever it is you have to do to leap out of here, and you'll be stuck." "But I'm sure the first thing he's going to do-- Gooshie, he just was here, but he left. He's going to try to get in touch with Mary. I know it." "You must stop him at all costs. Oh, and Sam... he thinks that, underneath your aura, you are a four foot high silver alien." "He WHAT?" "Well, Dr. Beeks had to give him a sedative when he first arrived. He was under the impression that he'd been beamed aboard a flying saucer." "The spaceship! I saw that, Gooshie!" "Al told us; Ziggy says there is an 83% chance that you merely picked up the scrambled brain state of Burt on your arrival, due to the swiss cheese effect, and carried his illusion." "Then what was the energy source? You know, the one that messed up my leap?" "Err... Ziggy didn't think of that." Gooshie tried to whap the handlink, but he didn't seem to know where and how, and didn't get anywhere. "Regardless, the drug gave Burt some hallucinations, and he's now convinced that you are an alien who has stolen his life for an opportunity to sleep with his wife. Dr. Beeks has been doing some analyses on Burt's obsession with your sleeping with his wife; she thinks it may be key to this leap. Of course, Sam, you haven't slept with his wife, but there's no way to tell Burt that." "Err... yeah." * * * * * "Mary? Mary, you've got to listen to me." "Burt?" "Mary, it's so good to hear your voice. You've got to meet me here, now. Don't ask any questions. You wouldn't believe me anyway. Just come down to Kline's Drugstore right away." "Burt, is this some kind of joke?" "No, I'm totally serious. And Mary, one more thing." "What?" "If you see me before you see me, don't listen to me." "What?" "If you see me before you get here, don't pay any attention to what I say!" "Burt, this has got to be some kind of joke. Does this seem funny to you?" "Mary, Mary, listen to me! Just come down and meet me. I've got something important to tell you." * * * * * _For a dummy, he tells pretty good jokes. At least, I think it was a good joke. I can't remember what kind of joke I like._ Sam thought as he, Chuck, and Bob walked out into the living room. Mary was putting on her coat. "Mary, where are you going?" "Burt? What are you doing here?" Sam got worried for a second. "I live here. I think." "Burt, you just told me to meet you at Kline's Drugstore! What kind of joke is this?" _Oh boy. The real Burt must have done it._ "You've been under a lot of stress lately, you haven't gotten enough rest. You're beginning to crack. Next thing, you'll be saying you're seeing two of me!" "No, it's not lack of rest, you called, just now!" "That wasn't me. Why would I call you and tell you to meet me at Kline's Drugstore? It was probably a practical joke." "But it was your voice!" It was hard for Sam to concentrate. Not only was Mary here, but Millie was on the couch, talking to Danny. "It was probably Mr. Kline. What a joker." "Why would he try to get me to come down there?" "Who wouldn't?" Sam looked up and down Mary's body appreciatively. "I was with him the kitchen the whole time and he didn't use the phone once," said Bob. "Come on, Mary, let's go upstairs. You need to lie down for a bit. I may even lie down with you." "That was the voice!" * * * * * "Hmmm... briefly institutionalized because he thought he was able to turn himself invisible. Psychotherapy from later dates indicate he was using this 'power' to hide from his sense of inadequacy. Three months earlier, he went to a psychiatrist to deal with impotency caused by fear that, when his wife found out he'd killed her previous husband, she wouldn't love him. This man is driven by a paranoid fear that his wife is going to leave him for another, better, man. He only just dealt with the last crisis which was brought on by his worry that Mary was leaving him for one of her literature professors. I'm telling you, Ziggy, that's got to be what Sam's there to fix." "Dr. Beeks, it is impossible for Sam to fix an emotional problem in a leapee, because Sam's leaps always displace the leapee." "Until this time. Now Sam and the leapee are both there." "This is unusual and caused by an unexplained power surge." "Which reminds me. Normally, I'd say that the flying saucer delusion was also from feelings of inadequacy, another attempt to flee from his problems. But there was that energy source. Have you pinpointed it yet?" "The likelihood of a flying saucer is less than one percent." "But what else could explain it?" "Insufficient data. There are power lines running through the pine barrens in which the incident occurred; there could have been a freak power surge." "Come on, Ziggy, you don't believe that, do you?" "I am a computer, Dr. Beeks. I do not believe things." "You don't believe that either, do you?" "Sam's data on the patterns and cycles of flying saucer sightings, which he reported back several leaps ago, indicate a very low probability of a saucer being in that spot at that moment. Ergo, no saucer. The lack of an alternative explanation is no proof of one dreamed up by a man who you yourself classify as delusional and paranoid." "Well, you have me there." "Of course." "Anyway, I think Sam needs to give Burt an awareness of how good his life really is." "I'm sorry, Dr. Beeks, but that's not enough to give him authority to confront Burt, and thus endanger the Project and Sam's ability to return." * * * * * "Quick, Gooshie, who is she?" "That's Jessica, Mary's sister." "Bingo bango bongo!" "Sam!" "Err, right." Sam began to try to mingle with the others at the party. "Pssst, Gooshie, who's that?" "Chester Tate--" "Chester Tate. Stockbroker. Charged with embezzlement. Murdered my son." Sam was very pleased with himself for being able to remember. Only trouble was, he couldn't remember why he was so pleased. "Chet, good to see you!" "I really must leave, Sam. I'm trying to get Ziggy's simulator circuits to go faster, to help her solve this problem. The Admiral had some remarkable ideas. See if you can get by without me." Gooshie stepped through The Door and vanished. _Now, let's see. That's... errr... Benson. Yes, that's right. And--_ Sam's thought was interrupted when he thought he overheard someone saying "She's a real hot one." _A hot one? Bingo bango bongo! Gotta find out who._ There was no longer enough left in him to resist at all. "Are you the hot one?" Corinne was puzzled, and ignored him. Next, he asked Eunice, but she reacted about the same. _I'll never get anywhere this way._ "Chester, which one is the hot one?" He was very surprised when Chester became violently angry; apparently, Chester and Burt hadn't gotten along quite that well. The ensuing fisticuffs was brief and more comical than dangerous; Dutch fell over and knocked the punch bowl over, but no one was hurt. Sam quickly found his way to couch, even more confused than ever, and soon found himself having to smile away questions in the eyes of his companions when he learned the hard way that you don't smoke celery sticks. * * * * * "Mary, what are you doing? I told you to meet me here!" "Burt, are you trying to drive me crazy? If so, don't worry. I'm crazy. You've done it." "Why didn't you come down here and meet me? I had to sleep in the park last night." "I didn't go to the drugstore because you were in the kitchen." "Mary, didn't I tell you that if you saw me before you saw me, not to listen to me?" "Burt, this isn't funny." She began to hang up. "Mary, listen to me! Listen to me! Just for a minute, listen to me!" "All right." "Are you listening to me?" "Yes." "OK. Here's what I want to tell you. Don't listen to me." "What?" "The me that you saw in the kitchen, wasn't me. I mean, it was me, but not me me." "Then who is he?" "My double." "Your double." "Yes, my double. You've got to come down to the drugstore now. I have to explain it to you. You're not going to believe this." "I can believe that." "Just come down here and talk to me, now." "What have I got to lose?" * * * * * "But that doesn't make sense, Gooshie. If that were the problem, how would I have been able to fix it if you hadn't leaped Burt down?" "Dr. Beeks thinks that she was the one meant to fix this leap. But because of the scrambling of your brain with that of the Admiral, well, things got a little out of control, and--" "Are things ever in control back there? Sorry, nevermind." "And we tried leaping Burt before Dr. Beeks had a chance to treat him." "What does Ziggy think of all this?" "Ziggy disagrees. In fact, we've had to override a few of her sensors just to be able to tell you this. She would be very upset if she knew. She thinks if you confront Burt, you'll be stuck here." "What do you think?" "Sorry, Sam, I don't feel qualified to choose between Dr. Beeks and Ziggy." "So I guess I have to." * * * * * "Burt, why are you trying to drive me crazy?" "Mary, Mary, it's so good to see you. Listen.... there was this flying saucer, see? And they beamed me up. And they sent one of them down to be me, only he's a silver four-foot alien, but he looks just like me. And he's been here, being my double. But I escaped, but he's still here." "Burt, do you remember Dr. Metlow? He was able to help you when you thought you were invisible." "This isn't like that. This really happened. I was there, and... this red light came down, and... whoosh!" Burt snapped his fingers, and disappeared. "Burt! You really CAN make yourself turn invisible! And I didn't believe you!" * * * * * "Why did you retrieve Burt?" "The risk is too great. I discovered that you followed Dr. Beeks' orders behind my back and gave instructions to Sam that could seriously jeopardize the Project. I also discovered that Burt had already confronted Mary, and Sam, too distracted by your instructions, failed to prevent it this time. Even now, Mary is beginning to show signs of a nervous breakdown, and I estimate a ninety-two percent chance she will be institutionalized within the year." "But what is Sam going to do now?" "I've prepared a list of problems that the Campbell and Tate families are experiencing; you can find it at printer three. Sam should begin trying to solve them one by one." "But that could take years!" "Gooshie, with all due respect, we ARE a time travel program, time is not a problem we are unequipped to deal with." * * * * * "Well, we can't just unplug her. Her circuits also control the leaping process. Your brain cells, and Sam's, are built into her circuitry." Al was sitting in the Vegas hotel room, confronting Gooshie, Tina, and Verbeena. "Then what can we do?" Verbeena spoke. "Gooshie and Tina have worked out a way to disable her control of the project for a few minutes, long enough for us to leap Burt back down and then erase the retrieval program parameters. But--" "Erase the retrieval program parameters?!? Then you can't EVER retrieve Burt!" "If this works, we won't have to." "Nothing in this project ever works!" "Al, you have to. You've lost your own identity, and if this goes any farther, you and Sam will both start experiencing physical ailments as well. We need your help." "But why me?" "Because it's your brain cells that are linked in. We can't control the leap without you there. You have to go in the Imaging Chamber and find the spot we want to send Burt to. He says his son Jody would welcome him, so we'll be sending you there first." "Ziggy is going to be pretty angry." Tina giggled. "That's OK, you can just buy her some flowers!" * * * * * Sam and Al stood in the bathroom. Sam kept looking from himself in the mirror to Al. "Who is who?..." Al stared at the handlink, determined not to look up. It had been hard enough to get him in here without looking. The message that was coming up on the handlink readout was slower than usual, because Gooshie had to type it manually, and he wasn't a very good typist. "Don't think about it. You have a job to do, and once you do it, you'll get out of here. You've got to confront Burt. Or, rather, he'll probably confront you. You have to convince him that his life here is good, that it's worthwhile, that he's earned it and that he deserves it." "How do I do that?" "I don't know. Tell him how good his life is. That sort of thing. Listen, I have to run, we only have a few minutes. Do it quick. Burt should be confronting you sometime tomorrow, Beeks thinks. Be ready. Gooshie, get me out of here fast!" _If this works and our minds separate again, how will I know if I got all the right parts back?_ * * * * * Sam was sitting on the thirtieth floor of a building that hadn't quite been built yet, eating his lunch. Thankfully, Mary had made the lunch the day before, because she hadn't come home last night. Danny said she'd gone to see Jessica, and not to worry about her, she often went over there for a day. But Sam was sure something was wrong. "Don't be startled." A mirror image came over to him, removed Groucho Marx glasses, and sat. "It's me, Burt." "I've been expecting you." "Look, I need to talk with you. You have to leave." _How can I change the subject to tell him how good his life is?_ "Do you know what you're asking me to give up? Women, pizza, Monday night football, women..." "Yes, but it's my life. You stole my life." _I don't want to be here either!_ "Not theft... trade. I traded lives." _Wait a minute, this isn't going to work. I have to make him argue with me. No one believes something nearly so much as a man who is arguing to defend it._ He glanced down thirty stories. _I just hope he doesn't defend it too hard..._ "I made a deal; I get your life, and you get..." _What can I claim I gave up for this?_ "immortality. You live forever back-- I mean, up there, you know." "Being without Mary makes me not want to live. No trade." "*Then* I steal your life. Listen, you can't ask me to give this up!" "But this is MY life! I earned it! You know how it is down here? You work, you work hard, and you go through a lot of bad stuff. And then one day, you say to yourself, 'I've arrived.' Work is good, you and your wife still love each other, your kids are growing up and aren't on drugs, and now it's time to enjoy it all. Only, you realize you haven't got much time. I don't know how much time I have. But I'm not going to let you take it. Give me back my life!" There was a roaring sound in Sam's ears. _This is what it feels like when I'm about to leap! I remember this! But, something else... my head is... rearranging itself... I've got to finish this up so I can leap... but my thoughts... My God, have I been doing THAT? Al, how could you put stuff like that into my head! Gotta say something..._ "Lucky for you, the guy they sent down had a conscience..." _Or at least half of one. No, that's not fair._ More understanding of Al was coming back. _It's not a bad conscience. It's just... well..._ "Listen, you've got to leave right now." _Don't I know it!_ "How about if I think about it for a few years?" "Now, buddy, now." _Why aren't I leaping?_ "What, not even one more night to say goodbye?" Burt seemed to get livid, as if the thought of Sam in bed with Mary was too much. "Now!" _That was it!_ "All right, then... Bye bye, Burt." "Bye, Burt." A crackling light enveloped him... "Now...I can go home." * * * * * THE END * * * * * --- CrystalShip 1.1 -- |Fidonet: Frank Perricone 1:325/611 |Internet: perricone@wsyd.com | | Gateway provide by: We Serve Your Drives BBS Lost on South Mountain | in the Republic of Vermont: 802-453-6074 1200-14.4 V32bis, V42bis -- _ __ _ __ Remember: The WildCard always stacks ' ) / // / / ) / the deck in his favor. Anyone care / / / o // __/ / __. __ __/ for a game of strip poker? My deal. (_(_/ <_