Newsgroups: alt.ql.creative From: buc@world.std.com (Quantum Buc) Subject: Quantum Leap - Three's Company Crossover Parody Keywords: QL Parody Sender: buc@world.std.com (Elliott C. Buchholz) Organization: The World Public Access UNIX, Brookline, MA Date: Sun, 13 Dec 1992 01:00:59 GMT Lines: 210 Believe it or not, true believers. In yet another attempt to boost Quantum Leap's ratings, NBC has purchased the rights to an old sure-hit series, and is having it cross over into QL next month. With it, they intend to change the entire approach to QL. Read an excerpt from the script stolen by an Enquiring Mind. QL: Episode 69 "Three's Quantumy" [Bright Flash and we see Sam lying in a bathtub. He gets up and looks into the mirror. A man in his late twenties is staring back at him. He's wearing lady's underwear.] Sam: Oh Boy. I'm gay. And a bad comedian. [Al pops in] Al: No your not. Gay, that is. Anyway, don't knock it til you tried it Sam. My eighth wife...or was it my ninth? No it was the eight! She was gay. She could do things with her... [Suddenly, a scantily clad blonde comes BOUNCING into the bathroom.] Chrissy: Jaaack! How many times have I told you to stop groping my underwear, you sex fiend! Al: All RIGHT! [The sounds of a group of people laughing comes from mid air. Sam looks up, perplexed.] Sam: I'm sorry, ma'am. I'll leave so you can use the bathroom. Chrissy: Sure, Jaaack. You just want to sneak off and watch Janet get dressed. [more laughter from thin air. Sam looks up perplexed again.] Sam: Al, what is that... Al? where are you going?!? Al: To watch Janet get dressed! [Al waves his cigar and raises his eyebrows like Groucho Marks and smiles knowingly as laughter erupts from the air. He disappears into a window in mid-air] Chrissy: Now go cook breakfast Jaaack, while I change from my scanty nighty to my scanty bikini. Out. Out. [Sam exits the bathroom and heads towards the kitchen. Suddenly the front door swings open and a man walks in] Ralph: Hi Everybody! It's me, the sex-starved landlord, Ralph. [more mysterious laughter. Sam starts to look annoyed] Sam: Who are you shouting to, sir? Ralph: Never mind that. It's been weeks since I questioned your homosexuality. Are you still gay? Sam: Oh boy. I AM gay. Ralph: Good, or else I'd have to throw you out. Sam: Well, I for one am happy to meet SOMEONE with a decent set of morals. [Ralph snorts in air and puffs out what little chest he has] Ralph: Yup. That's me. Now move it. Janet should be getting dressed just about now. [He slinks to the keyhole as shrieks of laughter again startle Sam. Angered, he marches off to the kitchen] Sam: I don't know what kind of purgatory you've LEAPed me into, Lord, but please GET ME OUT OF HERE! Al: Your in California, in the year 1980. Sam: Great. The decade of the valley-girl. Nice to see your back helping me instead of drooling with your blood-brother out there. Al: Sam, you wound me. Would I forsake our friendship just to get some cheap thrills? I'm wounded. Anyway, if you're in here, who's in the shower? Sam: The blonde girl. Al: Oh. Later. [He steps into the door in mid air again and disappears.] Sam: Swell. I'm a gay man living with two gorgeous girls, and I have a landlord who makes Al seem like Mother Teresa. What else could go wrong? [The door flies open and a half-dressed brunette comes running in] Janet: Oh, Jack. Sniff. I just overheard the most terrible thing. Mr. Furley is forcing Chrissy to have sex with him or he's going to throw her out! Sam: What? That must be what I'm here for! Janet: What? Sam: Never mind. I'll put a stop to this. [Sam dashes out of the kitchen into the living room, vaults over the couch, and delivers a round-the-house kick to Ralph Furley's chin. Furley goes flying over the couch and slams into the front door, unconscious.] Sam: That's that! Now I can LEAP out of here. Janet: Dressed like that? You'd BETTER leap! [Sam looks down at himself, still in Chrissie's underwear. He blushes as the laughter again erupts from air.] Chrissie: Jaaack! What did you do to Mr. Furley? Sam: I saved you. Chrissie: What? Janet: It's okay, honey. I overheard Mr. Furley tell you, "Give it to me, or it's curtains for you in this apartment!" Chrissie: No! He was asking me for the selection I made for new blinds. If we didn't decide today, we would have to get curtains instead! Sam: You mean you overheard PART of a conversation and came in crying before finding out what it was about?!? Janet: Of course! Let's eat. Sam: ARRRGGHH! I can't TAKE IT ANYMORE! Chrissie: Don't worry. We'll give in to you someday. [More laughter] Sam: STOP THAT!!! [Suddenly, a cat jumps up into the window] Al: Sam! That's what your here for. You have to save that cat before it jumps and breaks its neck. Sam: Finally! Janet: Oh, Jack, we have a problem. Our room is getting fumigated for the next month. But we invited Terry and Cindy over to stay with us. We'll all have to stay in your room for the month. [Two more voluptuous women come in and wave hi] Sam: Wwww...with me? Chrissie: Uhuh. But you behave, or we'll have to get rough. giggle. Al: Sam, hurry up. The cat's about to jump. If you don't save it, you'll be stuck here forever! Sam: Stuck? Al: Yeah. Sam: Here? Al: Yeah! Sam: With them? Al: YEAH! [Sam walks over to the window and kicks the cat off the ledge. We hear a long meow, then a thud.] Sam: That's that! Let's go down to the local pub and ogle women! [Sam smiles as he hears the laughter from mid air] Al: Oh well. Sam: Oh boy! Women: Yooouuu!! [They all surround Sam and smother him with their bodies, as laughter and clapping flow from the air] ------------------------ And that's that! Hope everybody likes the new direction QL will be taking. I'm out'a here. -- Quantum Buc >>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>> >>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>> INTERNET: buc@world.std.com "Oh v ^ "Let the pigeons loose!" COMPUSERVE: 71034,2464 Boy!" v <<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<