"The Last Gunfighter"

Oh my gosh, don't tell me you were a gunfighter in the Navy!
-- Sam, "The Last Gunfighter"

Hi ho Silver, oy vey.
-- Al, "The Last Gunfighter"

Stevie, not everybody can tell when T's telling a story and when he's not.  It's just too bad that fellow happened to be from Reader's Digest.
-- Lucy, "The Last Gunfighter"

Is that how your granddaddy told you to speak to me?
No sir.  He said never waste your breath on anyone who's dumber than a mule.
-- the Sheriff and Stevie, "The Last Gunfighter"

Nice hat!  Nice.  Really stylish.  Awesome!  Fantastic outfit, too. What happened, did Tonto and Bill Hickock have a collision?
Very funny, I happen to be a local hero.  Or something like that.
Are you sure you're not a walking ad for a fringe company?
-- Al and Sam, "The Last Gunfighter"

Grandpa T has lots of stories.
And that's just what they are too--stories.
But that's what TV's all about!
-- Stevie, the Sheriff and Mr. Steiner, "The Last Gunfighter"

Ziggy rates the chances of this guy telling a straight story at 16 percent ... or less.
-- Al, "The Last Gunfighter"

This guy's killed more men than Clint Eastwood. [music from The Good, The Bad & The Ugly comes up]
-- Al, "The Last Gunfighter"

I didn't come here to leave.
-- Pat Knight, "The Last Gunfighter"

Mr. Means, I hate to say this, but I've got a network and a whole lotta money riding on you.  Does this have something to do with your story in the Reader's Digest?
-- Mr. Steiner, "The Last Gunfighter"

So what's this Tyler guy saying  back in the Waiting Room?
He says he wants a drink and he wants another physical.
He likes the nurses.
-- Sam and Al, "The Last Gunfighter"

Am I supposed to kill Pat Knight?
Can I have his gun when you shoot him??
-- Sam (to Al) and Stevie, "The Last Gunfighter"

I've got to uphold my honor.  Besides, I've got a side bet with the sheriff on which way you're gonna fall.  I'm saying face up.
That, of course, is assuming you can hit me.
<Pat shoots bottles out of the bartender's hand>  I recon I can do that.
-- Pat and Sam, "The Last Gunfighter"

Anybody who says they're not afraid to stand in front of a loaded gun is either crazy or stupid, or suicidal, or nuts, or out of...
You can't back down.  Everybody'll make fun of us.
-- Sam and Stevie, "The Last Gunfighter"

Are we in the head pounding stage or in the spinning rising waves of nausea?  Hmmm?
Take your pick.
That's impressive.
-- Al and Sam (regarding Sam's first hangover in at least four years), "The Last Gunfighter"

Get ready to leap partner.
-- Al, "The Last Gunfighter"

[Fifi] could draw. I know, because I studied her very closely.
I bet you did.
-- Al and Sam, "The Last Gunfighter"

You can't believe that it's worth killing somebody over a matter of pride?
What the hell else did we ever have?
-- Sam and Pat, "The Last Gunfighter"

I was 15 before I killed my first man.  I guess, today you grow up faster.
-- Pat (to 12 year old Stevie), "The Last Gunfighter"

On time.  Underdressed as usual.
-- Pat, "The Last Gunfighter"

Pat, you know that didn't mean anything.
It did to them.
-- Sam and Pat, "The Last Gunfighter"

Mr. Means, he just tried to kill you.
I know that.  But "once partners, always partners."
-- Mr. Steiner and Sam, "The Last Gunfighter"

It doesn't really matter what other people do, or say.  What matters is what you know in here about yourself and about others, because the most important person you have to listen to is you.
-- Sam, "The Last Gunfighter"

~Sam is getting shooting practice from Al. He fires and hits the can on the far left. Sam is also badly drunk.
Sam: I was aiming for the one on the right. Shhhhhh. "The Last Gunfighter"