The back to
front Panty Girdle - "MIA"
Sam walks into the changing room (still
dressed as a hooker and in great pain from the high heels) Al is standing next to his
locker and all of the other police guys are whistling at him.
Al: It's the heels Sam. Saaaaam, you look cute in those 3 inch heels!
Scaggs: hey listen, Lisa wants to meetcha
Al: It's his wife.
Sam: Oh yeah, your, argh your wife, yeah.
Scaggs: Hey, never forget the name of your partners wife, its not respectable.
Sam: No, I just, uh, have trouble sometimes remembering names.
(Sam walks off and whispers to Al) yeah, like my own, wheres my locker?
Al: here it is
Sam: Im pencilled in!
Al: Well, youre the new boy here Sam, you just made detective and thats your
partner, sergeant Roger Scaggs, hes a heck of an undercover detective, as a matter
of fact his arrest rate is the highest in San Diego.
Sam: What am I here to do?
(Sam opens his locker and finds lots of kinky lanungerie)
Al: I dont know but it looks like my kind of work! Its a hazing Sam, like in a
(everyone crowds round and claps)
Sam: I know what it is Al!
(Sam brings out of his locker a black lacy thing and examines it publicly) Tina will love
Al: Im sure she would!
(now he brings out a red g-string)
Sam: Now I think this will fit Laurie. Michelle?
(all of the guys are hooting in the background) and I cant wait to see Elsa in this
(brings out one of those kinky body things) unless of course you think that it might look
better on Lisa! (throws it at Scaggs and everyone laughs)
Scaggs: Oi, thats not funny, shut up all of you! (everyone goes back to work)
youre all right partner!
Al: Elsa? I dont remember any Elsa?
(Sam still digging through locker)
Sam: Pants!! Thank you (hugs his jeans)
Al: Well personally I think that you would look kinda foxy in this purple number with the
white fuzz! Just my opinion.
Sam: (Through gritted teeth) why am I here?
Al: Your name is Jake Rawlins, this is interesting Sam, Jake is usually short for Jacob,
but youre just plain Jake! (evil look from Sam) never mind! You graduated from UCLA
in 65 with a BA in criminal... (slaps handlink, which makes a noise--Sam is getting
undressed) ...Justice. Then you enrolled in the San Diego police department a month later.
Well, you were second in your class there and since you joined the force youve had
two commendations! The first of which was, uh, you saved the life of a wounded fellow
officer; you shielded him with (Sam looks puzzled by the black bra he is wearing) just
twist that around your body if you wanna get it off.
Sam: (Turning round) what?
Al: Your brazier. Just twist the catch around to the front so you can undo it. (Sam pulls
the arm straps off and two padding things come out) Uh, you shielded him with your body in
a shoot-out in an attempted armed car robbery.
Sam: Well, Jake did.
Al: Well, youre him now, sort of.
Sam: What did Jake do wrong that Im here to put right?
Al: You mean besides putting your panty girdle on backwards?
Sam: Looks OK.
Al: trust me Sam, its on backwards--
Sam: -no, I dont wanna-
Al: -trust me, its backwards-
Sam: -I didnt put in on anyway-
Al: -its back-
Sam: -Al, dont-
Al: -It's back-wards! Its on backwards.
Sam: Okay. Just what am I doing in San Diego?
Al: It's 69. April 1st 196- hey, its April fools day!
Sam: Oh thats all I need, a leap thats one big April fools day joke.