"What Price Gloria?"

the biological clock

[note from the transcriber: Nancy suggested that the biological clock discourse had been syndicut. As usual the most difficult part of transcribing the syndicuts is knowing where they start and finish but as this was such a funny scene I did the lot.]

Sam walks out of the apartment building with Bubbles and a really cute little bag hanging over his wrist. He looks up at the light on in their apartment.

Al: Personally I prefer leaving the lights on.
Bubbles: Yap yap.
Al: You keep that up tiny teeth and I'll feed you to Ziggy.
Bubbles: Grrrrr.
Sam: A little testy to night aren't we?
Al: Well you would be if...
Sam: If what?
(They start walking)
Al: Never mind just save Madame Butterfly up there from cashing in her cookies and get back to being a guy.
Sam: How? Gloria is convinced that Buddy is Mr Wonderful. That he's got a witch for a wife... (swerves to avoid a pedestrian) ...a witch for a wife and she is his only salvation.
Al: All women fall for that one especially single girls of Gloria's age.
Sam: What does age have to do with it?
Al: (takes out handlink) She is 27 years old. She is fighting the biological clock. Those little egges are ticking off like time bombs. (Al wiggles his fingers)
Sam: Al, a woman can have a healthy baby into her forties.
Al: I know but people did not realise that in 1961. We are talking serious old maid here. She is probably up there shredding newspapers right now.
Sam: (looks exasperated) Yeah, well I wish that was what she was doing.
Bubbles: Woof, woof.
Al: I'm warning you.
(Al shakes finger at dog. The dog cowers.)
Sam: What's your problem?
Al: You... (points at Sam) You, you... (much waving of hands) You homaphrodite you. You are driving me crazy. I am not performing with Tina so she thinks that I've got somebody on the side. Beeks is laying this load of repressed homosexual crap on me. (Waves both hands at Sam. During Al's speech Sam closes his eyes while looking heavenward and finally puts one hand to his eyes.) And every time I see you I have to deal with this.
(Al looks appreciatively at Sam. He hits his head.)
Al: I'm out of here. (He walks across a road and as he does a bus drives through him.)
Sam: Al look out...
(Sam realises that there is no danger. The imaging chamber door opens and then closes behind Al. Sam waves him off.)
Sam: Yes, close the door. Come on Bubbles. Figures that Buddy would have a dog called Bubbles. (walks to a seat and picks up Bubbles and talks to him) Come here, come here. This is great you know. Gloria won't listen to me, my best friend has got a crush on me and I'm a woman. Whatever I did to deserve this... (looks away) I don't deserve it.

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