Today Mom was diagnosed with accute leukemia. Literally half the cells in her bone marrow are cancerous.
She's being sent up to Stanford for professional hemotology treatment as well as chemotherapy. She could be up there for a month.
The doctors say there's a good chance she'll survive and turn out to be healthy but she's off work permamently. She's on disability for up to one year and after that it's social security or more disability, I don't know.
Understandably Mom and Dad are very upset.
I feel absolutely horrible for getting mad at Mom after she yelled at me this afternoon. She yelled at me, I tried to defend myself, and then she yelled more and walked away. Had I known I wouldn't have said anything. I feel like a terrible daughter. I could've done anything else, anything at all but I got angry. Curse this Celtic-Australian temper I inherited!
If I could I'd reverse the positions that I'd be the one that's sick. I'm only a mere artist. Mom's got so much more going for her.
I realize the world is not fair but why? Why did the Lord first have to take my little brother and now let my Mom be so sick? I realize the rain falls on the just and unjust alike but why? Why does it have to be my Mom? Wasn't one near death experience enough? Why does it have to be a second?
All I'm told is I have to be strong for my parents. I can't keep on being told that. The words have no meaning as I keep on breaking down and weeping at them. All my life I've had to be strong and do the work of two children. Now I must do the work of two childen and a mother. Part of me screams that I don't want to be strong anymore.
How many more people that I care about have to die or get sick? What did I do to make the powers that be so angry that this happens? Why did it have to be them? They were parents, friends, they had careers, they had lives. I'm only a lowly artist. I'd gladly lay down my life so any one of them could live. So why can't I? They had so many important things going for them. It's just not right. It just isn't.
I ask forgivenss for being selfish. I beg forgiveness for wanting something good to happen for myself and for the family when Dad called.
If it is necessary I will get down on my knees and beg for prayers for my mother. I will give away, sell, or donate my artwork writing and sewing just so that she will be okay.
I only want Mom and Dad to be okay and for there to be no more hurt. If the Lord does wipe the tears from our eyes I pray he does it soon.
Please accept my appologies for rambling.
She's being sent up to Stanford for professional hemotology treatment as well as chemotherapy. She could be up there for a month.
The doctors say there's a good chance she'll survive and turn out to be healthy but she's off work permamently. She's on disability for up to one year and after that it's social security or more disability, I don't know.
Understandably Mom and Dad are very upset.
I feel absolutely horrible for getting mad at Mom after she yelled at me this afternoon. She yelled at me, I tried to defend myself, and then she yelled more and walked away. Had I known I wouldn't have said anything. I feel like a terrible daughter. I could've done anything else, anything at all but I got angry. Curse this Celtic-Australian temper I inherited!
If I could I'd reverse the positions that I'd be the one that's sick. I'm only a mere artist. Mom's got so much more going for her.
I realize the world is not fair but why? Why did the Lord first have to take my little brother and now let my Mom be so sick? I realize the rain falls on the just and unjust alike but why? Why does it have to be my Mom? Wasn't one near death experience enough? Why does it have to be a second?
All I'm told is I have to be strong for my parents. I can't keep on being told that. The words have no meaning as I keep on breaking down and weeping at them. All my life I've had to be strong and do the work of two children. Now I must do the work of two childen and a mother. Part of me screams that I don't want to be strong anymore.
How many more people that I care about have to die or get sick? What did I do to make the powers that be so angry that this happens? Why did it have to be them? They were parents, friends, they had careers, they had lives. I'm only a lowly artist. I'd gladly lay down my life so any one of them could live. So why can't I? They had so many important things going for them. It's just not right. It just isn't.
I ask forgivenss for being selfish. I beg forgiveness for wanting something good to happen for myself and for the family when Dad called.
If it is necessary I will get down on my knees and beg for prayers for my mother. I will give away, sell, or donate my artwork writing and sewing just so that she will be okay.
I only want Mom and Dad to be okay and for there to be no more hurt. If the Lord does wipe the tears from our eyes I pray he does it soon.
Please accept my appologies for rambling.